¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people have fewer goals as they get older?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-11-16 1983

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think people could have fewer goals to pursue as they get older and older because they¡¯ve come to know their place and limitation. In other words, they get more down to earth about lives as they get older. However, the odds for them to win something can go up because they can concentrate their time and abilities on fewer things. They get wiser through their lives full of ups and downs, knowing how to live wisely. This select and concentration strategy can be a powerful tool to complete something. Just dabbling in many things can¡¯t lead us to completions. Therefore, in this respect, we should know ourselves, namely, what to do the best or the worst, what drives us to keep focused, etc. And we also should help our children know themselves as early as possible because I believe God puts some hints of our aptitude and talents inside us somewhere and puts seeds of power and ability in dormant in us as well. So if we seek to know about ourselves, I believe we can live a much happier life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Great job on tackling your homework with diligence. Regarding this topic, your sentences are all grammatically correct. I've made a revision for you to review.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara


I think people could have fewer goals to pursue as they get older and older because they¡¯ve come to know their place and limitation. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> As people age, they may have fewer goals due to a better understanding of their place and limitations.
In other words, they get more down to earth about lives as they get older. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> In simpler terms, they become more realistic about life.
However, the odds for them to win something can go up because they can concentrate their time and abilities on fewer things. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> However, their chances of success can increase as they focus on a few key things.
They get wiser through their lives full of ups and downs, knowing how to live wisely. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Through life's experiences, they grow wiser and learn how to live wisely.
This select and concentration strategy can be a powerful tool to complete something. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Concentrating on specific goals can be a powerful strategy for achieving something.
Just dabbling in many things can¡¯t lead us to completions. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Dabbling in many things without focus doesn't lead to completion.
Therefore, in this respect, we should know ourselves, namely, what to do the best or the worst, what drives us to keep focused, etc. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> So, it's crucial to know ourselves – what we excel at or struggle with, what keeps us focused, etc.
And we also should help our children know themselves as early as possible because I believe God puts some hints of our aptitude and talents inside us somewhere and puts seeds of power and ability in dormant in us as well. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> It's also vital to help children discover themselves early. I believe God provides hints about our abilities and talents, placing dormant seeds of power within us.
So if we seek to know about ourselves, I believe we can live a much happier life.
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Understanding ourselves allows us to lead happier lives.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133692 What is your favorite foreign food? How is it different from... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-06 1356
133691 Homework ±è*´ã ¿Ï·á 2024-01-06 894
133690 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-06 1
133689 Do you ever buy things and then think it was a mistake? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1124
133688 What makes your family special? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1193
133687 Keeping in touch with our loved ones ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 916
133686 Filling in blanks ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 757
133685 Free writing ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1164
133684 homework 01.05 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1466
133683 homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 742
133682 What\'s one thing you\'ll do to recharge and refresh for the... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1
133681 What is your ideal vacation? Why? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1387
133680 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 0
133679 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 0
133678 Which one is easier, to be a follower or a leader? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1100
133677 Do you like wearing school uniforms? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1244
133676 My weekend Á¤*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 0
133675 homework ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1656
133674 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 1088
133673 Have you ever had any bad or adverse reactions to a medicine?... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-05 968

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04