¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people have fewer goals as they get older?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2023-11-16 2582

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think people could have fewer goals to pursue as they get older and older because they¡¯ve come to know their place and limitation. In other words, they get more down to earth about lives as they get older. However, the odds for them to win something can go up because they can concentrate their time and abilities on fewer things. They get wiser through their lives full of ups and downs, knowing how to live wisely. This select and concentration strategy can be a powerful tool to complete something. Just dabbling in many things can¡¯t lead us to completions. Therefore, in this respect, we should know ourselves, namely, what to do the best or the worst, what drives us to keep focused, etc. And we also should help our children know themselves as early as possible because I believe God puts some hints of our aptitude and talents inside us somewhere and puts seeds of power and ability in dormant in us as well. So if we seek to know about ourselves, I believe we can live a much happier life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Steve! Great job on tackling your homework with diligence. Regarding this topic, your sentences are all grammatically correct. I've made a revision for you to review.
Sincerely,
^^ T. Ara


I think people could have fewer goals to pursue as they get older and older because they¡¯ve come to know their place and limitation. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> As people age, they may have fewer goals due to a better understanding of their place and limitations.
In other words, they get more down to earth about lives as they get older. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> In simpler terms, they become more realistic about life.
However, the odds for them to win something can go up because they can concentrate their time and abilities on fewer things. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> However, their chances of success can increase as they focus on a few key things.
They get wiser through their lives full of ups and downs, knowing how to live wisely. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Through life's experiences, they grow wiser and learn how to live wisely.
This select and concentration strategy can be a powerful tool to complete something. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Concentrating on specific goals can be a powerful strategy for achieving something.
Just dabbling in many things can¡¯t lead us to completions. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Dabbling in many things without focus doesn't lead to completion.
Therefore, in this respect, we should know ourselves, namely, what to do the best or the worst, what drives us to keep focused, etc. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> So, it's crucial to know ourselves – what we excel at or struggle with, what keeps us focused, etc.
And we also should help our children know themselves as early as possible because I believe God puts some hints of our aptitude and talents inside us somewhere and puts seeds of power and ability in dormant in us as well. 
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> It's also vital to help children discover themselves early. I believe God provides hints about our abilities and talents, placing dormant seeds of power within us.
So if we seek to know about ourselves, I believe we can live a much happier life.
>>> CORRECT!!
OR>>> Understanding ourselves allows us to lead happier lives.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
138514 Alcohol ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-16 1090
138513 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1
138512 What are the qualities or characteristics that every leader... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 0
138511 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1095
138510 What are you planning to accomplish this year ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1075
138509 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1
138508 How observant are you of other people\'s body language? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 991
138507 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1151
138506 2024.07.15 ¾ç*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 2
138505 Do you think playing Lego is educational? ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 959
138504 Q) Why is nature important? ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1
138503 Would you prefer language lessons one-to-one or do you like... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 906
138502 July 12th\'s homework ¾È*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 774
138501 Homework ½Å*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 849
138500 difficult task/project at work ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 8
138499 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1137
138498 What matters to you the most, intelligence or physical... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 1383
138497 My current job ÇÑ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 6
138496 Page.21 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 7
138495 If you could change one thing about your culture, what would it... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-07-15 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04