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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Homwork (2023.11.08)

작성자: 이*주
2023-11-08 2036

회원님의 영작문



Today, I couldn't understand some conversations while we was taking a class.
But, I understand now.
Well.. I think what you said about listing down all my tasks/duties in my previous job is so good.
But actually, I'm still confused now haha..
Well, I wrote what you said me at number 1. (I changed some numbers.)
Please check this hehe..!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello there, Leo.
Yes, I guess you still misunderstood what I meant. Hahaha.
 But that's fine. I just requested you write down your past employment responsibilities. 
As an example: 1. Leading family tours and international buyer consultation. 2. Searching for foreign buyers through international agencies. and so forth... You can look at number three to see what I meant. However, without the last sentence.
BTW, I tried to check and rephrase your work from the attached file. Kindly check. 
-Chammy
Today, I couldn't understand some conversations while we was taking a class.
>>Today, I couldn't understand some conversations while we were talking in class.
But, I understand now.
Well... I think what you said about listing down all my tasks/duties in my previous job is so good.
But actually, I'm still confused now haha...
>>Correct
Well, I wrote what you said me at number 1. (I changed some numbers.)
>>Well, I wrote what you told me at number 1. (I changed some numbers.)
Please check this hehe..!
>>Correct
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I previously worked for a company that organizes shows and fairs. I began with a simple job that grew in scope over time. Consequently,  I was given plenty of experiences that helped me strengthen my skills. 


1.Attracting and managing companies

When I started my internship, I immediately worked on the business attraction, which is the beginning step of preparing for the fair.

>> When I started my internship, I immediately worked on the business attraction, which was the beginning step of preparing for the fair.

OR

>>I began my internship by working on the business attraction, which was the first step in preparing for the fair.

It was a task of attracting local government and various companies in each region, but I was given a special task to attract Tourism Agency and Cultural Center of each country in Korea, and I also had experience in post-management, which is the point after the event is completed.

>> It was a task of attracting local government and various companies in each region, but I was given a special task to attract the Tourism Agency and Cultural Center of each country in Korea, I also had experience in post-management, which is the point after the event is completed.

OR

>> It was the responsibility to entice the local government and various firms in each region, with a particular emphasis on attracting the Tourism Agency and Cultural Center of each country in Korea. I also had expertise in post-management, which is the phase that follows an event.

 

2. Planning and promoting side events and SNS events

I have a lot of various experience in planning and promoting side events and SNS events

>> I have various experiences in planning and promoting side events and SNS events.

OR

>> I have extensive expertise in organizing and publicizing side events and SNS activities.

It is that I have experience researching various events including side events, creating posters, recruiting and managing participants, and promoting online using SNS such as Cafes, Blogs, Instagram, and Facebook.

The fair included seminars, conferences, and receptions, so I had to research, invite, and organize speakers such as university professors and corporate representatives

>>Correct

OR

>> One of these is researching multiple initiatives, including side events, designing posters, recruiting and managing participants, and advertising online using SNS such as Cafes, Blogs, Instagram, and Facebook.

>> I was responsible for organizing seminars, conferences, and receptions at a fair where I had to explore, invite, and coordinate with speakers such as university professors and corporate representatives.

 

3. International buyer consultation and fam tour.

During the fair , I have experience as the person in charge of international buyer consultation and fam tour.

I contacted oversea agencies and recruit international buyer.

After recruiting buyers, I've created a their schedule.

In addition, I worked with Geoje local government to coordinate the needs of travel agencies, accommodations and buyers to ensure the fam tour progressed smoothly.

When I first started working in corporate attraction I wasn't sure about my own pronunciation, intonation, tone of voice and information about fair. 

>> During the fair, I experienced being the person in charge of international buyer consultation and family tour

>> I contacted overseas agencies and recruited international buyers.

>> After recruiting buyers, I've created their schedule.

>> In addition, I worked with the Geoje local government to coordinate the needs of travel agencies, accommodations, and buyers to ensure the family tour progressed smoothly.

>> When I first started working in a corporate attraction, I wasn't sure about my pronunciation, intonation, tone of voice, and information about fairs. 

OR

>> I had the opportunity to lead the family tour and foreign buyer consultation throughout the exhibition.

>> I make calls to foreign agencies to seek purchasers abroad.

>> After recruiting purchasers, I arrange the schedule for them.

>> Furthermore, I collaborated with the Geoje local government to manage the needs of travel agents, lodgings, and buyers to guarantee the family trip ran successfully.

>> When I initially started working at a corporate attraction, I was unsure of my pronunciation, intonation, tone of voice, and fair information.

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