¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

retirement

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2023-11-06 3647

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is not a good thing that human lifespan become longer than ealier.

Longer lifespan causes many imbalances in our life.

As we get older, we face financial and health difficuities in reality.

We know that we should prepare for our old age, but we don't have so much afford it.

If we are healthy, we should do any kinds of work after retirement even social services as we we can do. .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for your homework, Lily!

You're doing great!

-Hanna ^^

It is not a good thing that human lifespan become longer than ealier.

>>It is not a good thing that human lifespans are becoming longer than before. 
Longer lifespan causes many imbalances in our life.

>>Correct.
As we get older, we face financial and health difficuities in reality.

>>Correct.
We know that we should prepare for our old age, but we don't have so much afford it.

>>While we understand the importance of preparing for old age, affording it can be a challenge.
If we are healthy, we should do any kinds of work after retirement even social services as we we can do. .

>>If we are healthy, we should consider engaging in various kinds of work after retirement, including social services, to the best of our abilities.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126192 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 1
126191 HOMEWORK FOR TODAY: ESSAY: What is your hobby? Why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 0
126190 If you were a precious stone (example: ruby, diamond, jade),... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 766
126189 unit 4. homework °ø*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 901
126188 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 750
126187 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 1
126186 I\'m not thing changed À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 935
126185 Some people drink protein shakes or eat any other kind of food... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 1194
126184 The difference between a house and a home. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 786
126183 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 0
126182 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 782
126181 homework Æí*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 1
126180 I like my basketball play. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 2
126179 If you were a snack, what would you be and why? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 815
126178 3/3 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 813
126177 bullying ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 951
126176 Where do you usually hang out with your friends? ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 4
126175 Is it important to consider the source of income (like jobs or... ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 2
126174 3/3 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 1
126173 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-03 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04