¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

retirement

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2023-11-06 4590

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is not a good thing that human lifespan become longer than ealier.

Longer lifespan causes many imbalances in our life.

As we get older, we face financial and health difficuities in reality.

We know that we should prepare for our old age, but we don't have so much afford it.

If we are healthy, we should do any kinds of work after retirement even social services as we we can do. .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for your homework, Lily!

You're doing great!

-Hanna ^^

It is not a good thing that human lifespan become longer than ealier.

>>It is not a good thing that human lifespans are becoming longer than before. 
Longer lifespan causes many imbalances in our life.

>>Correct.
As we get older, we face financial and health difficuities in reality.

>>Correct.
We know that we should prepare for our old age, but we don't have so much afford it.

>>While we understand the importance of preparing for old age, affording it can be a challenge.
If we are healthy, we should do any kinds of work after retirement even social services as we we can do. .

>>If we are healthy, we should consider engaging in various kinds of work after retirement, including social services, to the best of our abilities.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131918 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about ¡°Are you afraid... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 1
131917 Homework Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 2295
131916 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 2628
131915 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3394
131914 How happy are you with your English level? How do you describe... ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3523
131913 Who are the world¡¯s biggest war criminals? Write about one... ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3500
131912 WRITING TASK: Describe the last picnic you had. What was it like? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3
131911 homework_231024 ÇÑ*·Ï ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3875
131910 Homework - \'How to overcome difficult times.\' ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3002
131909 Do you want to work in a medical field someday? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3096
131908 Do you believe in lifelong learning? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 2853
131907 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 1
131906 The death of someone special ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3202
131905 \"Is it important to consider other people\'s opinions? Why or... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3393
131904 is it easy to handle a dilemma? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 2693
131903 Homework ¾È*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3629
131902 Letter ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 1
131901 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3635
131900 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 0
131899 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-10-25 3119

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04