¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

retirement

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*Èñ
2023-11-06 1772

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is not a good thing that human lifespan become longer than ealier.

Longer lifespan causes many imbalances in our life.

As we get older, we face financial and health difficuities in reality.

We know that we should prepare for our old age, but we don't have so much afford it.

If we are healthy, we should do any kinds of work after retirement even social services as we we can do. .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for your homework, Lily!

You're doing great!

-Hanna ^^

It is not a good thing that human lifespan become longer than ealier.

>>It is not a good thing that human lifespans are becoming longer than before. 
Longer lifespan causes many imbalances in our life.

>>Correct.
As we get older, we face financial and health difficuities in reality.

>>Correct.
We know that we should prepare for our old age, but we don't have so much afford it.

>>While we understand the importance of preparing for old age, affording it can be a challenge.
If we are healthy, we should do any kinds of work after retirement even social services as we we can do. .

>>If we are healthy, we should consider engaging in various kinds of work after retirement, including social services, to the best of our abilities.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133959 What test has made you most nervous? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 570
133958 My course menu ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 249
133957 WRITING TASK: Which party haven\'t you attended yet? Would you... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 10
133956 Homework À±*¼± ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 405
133955 What¡¯s new with you? ÃÖ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 2
133954 Filling in Blanks ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 472
133953 Homework : unit 1 ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 1
133952 essay 6 ¼Û*½Â ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 975
133951 essay 6 ¼Û*½Â ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 835
133950 16.Jan.2024 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 1
133949 What can you say about the generation gap? Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 602
133948 homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 1
133947 homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 3
133946 homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 4
133945 I spend my day off like this °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 1
133944 Do you think a painting can really be worth a million (or more)... ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 349
133943 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-17 0
133942 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-01-16 3
133941 What is the hardest part to learn in English? Why? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-01-16 1071
133940 Spending lavishly ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-01-16 1055

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04