¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 10.25

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-10-25 584

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Is obesity a disease? Why or why not?

I think severe obesity is a disease.
I'm ashamed. Because I am overweight.
So, I'm trying not to become obese.
The reason I don't want to be obese is obese can cause many disease.
Severe obesity is have various diseases in the body like a high blood pressure.
And if I have a severe obesity, it's can interfere daily life because the body is heavy.
So, we have to maintain the healthy weight.
We need to exercise and good eating habits for proper weight.
To sum up, I think severe obesity is can dangerous body.
But severe underweight also is not good to body.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Is obesity a disease? Why or why not?


I think severe obesity is a disease.
>> CORRECT!
I'm ashamed. Because I am overweight.
>> I'm ashamed because I am overweight.
So, I'm trying not to become obese.
>> CORRECT!
The reason I don't want to be obese is obese can cause many disease.
>> The reason I don't want to be obese is obesity can cause many disease.
Severe obesity is have various diseases in the body like a high blood pressure.
>> Severe obesity can result to various diseases in the body like high blood pressure.
And if I have a severe obesity, it's can interfere daily life because the body is heavy.
>> And if I have a severe obesity, it can interfere with daily life because my body is heavy.
So, we have to maintain the healthy weight.
>> CORRECT!
We need to exercise and good eating habits for proper weight.
>> We need to exercise and to have good eating habits for proper weight management.
To sum up, I think severe obesity is can dangerous body.
>> To sum up, I think severe obesity is dangerous to our body.
But severe underweight also is not good to body.
>> But being severely underweight is also not good to the body.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131361 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-02 0
131360 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-02 0
131359 231002- HOMEWORK ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-02 2
131358 homework °í*ö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-02 401
131357 230927- HOMEWORK ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-02 1
131356 When do you prefer to have a family gathering? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-01 469
131355 What Korean snack would you highly recommend to foreign people?... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-10-01 1
131354 Have you used a ride-sharing service, or do you prefer to be the... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-01 0
131353 How do Koreans normally celebrte Chuseok? Write as much detail... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-01 1
131352 Unsure future plan ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-01 512
131351 How do you stay organized and manage your time effectively when... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-01 436
131350 How I feel when I am not prepared for something ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-30 746
131349 How would the world be a better place if we used only clean... À¯* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-28 0
131348 Are you happy to be living in the ¡®Information Age¡¯? À¯* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-28 0
131347 Which country produces the best cars? À¯* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-28 0
131346 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-28 2
131345 Is there a particular song that always puts you in a good mood?... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-09-28 698
131344 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-27 480
131343 homework 09.27 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-09-27 511
131342 If you were to remove one traditional holiday (could be Korean... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04