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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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homework

작성자: 정*환
2023-10-17 3039

회원님의 영작문

If I were a father and My children wanted to work in hotel, I would recommend them to work there.
It is hard job actually. But in my case, I have good experience and also bad experience that I really remind of.
I would tell them everything happen there from my experience and help them work in the hotel as intern first.
After working there, I would give them a choice whether to continue it.
It is their own life.

Chammy.
There will be big occasion whose number is more than 500 people tonight.
And they will also have breakfast as well.
So I might not attend your class tomorrow morning.
I am not sure whether I can make it or not.
It depends on their schedule what time their breakfast will start.
If it began after 8 am, I would attend your class.
After confirming the schedule, I will register for postponing the class.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Han,

Although you were not able to elaborate on your answers that much. You made it short and on point! And you were able to demonstrate the balance between a father and a worker. It is good that you have mentioned that you had good and bad experiences in the hotel you are working in. Also, you shared how it feels, as an experienced hotel employee.  And ended your input by giving the decision to the child based on his experience as an intern. You have it well said~

-Chammy

If I were a father and My children wanted to work in hotel, I would recommend them to work there.

>> If I were a father and my children wanted to work in the hotel, I would recommend them to work there.

It is hard job actually. But in my case, I have good experience and also bad experience that I really remind of.

>> It is a hard job actually. But in my case, I have good and bad experiences that I won't forget.

I would tell them everything happen there from my experience and help them work in the hotel as intern first.

>> I would tell them everything that happened there from my experience and help them work in the hotel as interns first.

OR

>>I would tell them all my experiences and help them work in the hotel as an intern first.

After working there, I would give them a choice whether to continue it.

>> After working there, I would give them the choice of whether to continue it or not.

It is their own life.

>>Correct

Chammy.
>>Chammy,
There will be big occasion whose number is more than 500 people tonight.

>> There will be a big occasion which number is more than 500 people tonight.

And they will also have breakfast as well.
>> And they will have breakfast as well.
So I might not attend your class tomorrow morning.

>> So I might not attend your class tomorrow morning

OR

>> So I might miss your class tomorrow morning.
I am not sure whether I can make it or not.
>>Correct
It depends on their schedule what time their breakfast will start.

>> It depends on their schedule and what time their breakfast will start

If it began after 8 am, I would attend your class.

>> If it begins after 8 am, I will attend your class.

After confirming the schedule, I will register for postponing the class.

>> After confirming the schedule, I will register to postpone the class.

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