¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 10.13

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-10-13 1582

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?

I think computer and internet are one of the best inventions.
Now we have personal computer and smartphones.
Using this, we can work, internet community, hobbies, shopping and search the information.
But if it's too much, everything is bad.
I think the worst thing about computer is internet addiction.
Internet addiction's examples are include mental health, health problems.
And if they don't use internet, they feel anxious.
Severe people can't live a normal life.
So I think internet addiction is a worst thing.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?


I think computer and internet are one of the best inventions.
>> CORRECT!
Now we have personal computer and smartphones.
>> Now we have personal computers and smartphones.
Using this, we can work, internet community, hobbies, shopping and search the information.
>> Using this, we are able to work, talk with the internet community, do our hobbies, go shopping, and search information.
But if it's too much, everything is bad.
>> CORRECT!
I think the worst thing about computer is internet addiction.
>> I think the worst thing about computers is internet addiction.
Internet addiction's examples are include mental health, health problems.
>> Internet addiction result to problems with our mental health and physical health.
And if they don't use internet, they feel anxious.
>> And if they don't use the internet, they feel anxious.
Severe people can't live a normal life.
>> People who are severely addicted to it can't live a normal life.
So I think internet addiction is a worst thing.
>> So I think internet addiction is the worst thing.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131272 HOMEWORK-230925 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 1
131271 While on board ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 1015
131270 WRITING TASK: What kind of help do you need most of the time? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 2
131269 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 2
131268 My favorite holiday ·ù*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 2
131267 stalking ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 1557
131266 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 1309
131265 How do you distinguish which feedback to listen to and which to... ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 1
131264 ESSAY ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 2
131263 HOMEWORK ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 1362
131262 To share my travel experience. ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 926
131261 Prepared for the blind date ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-25 1163
131260 1. What were the consequences of forgetting that event, if any?... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1
131259 What happens to old people in your family? Do they live with... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131258 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 2
131257 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131256 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131255 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 1124
131254 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 0
131253 Latest trends in South Korea ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-24 891

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04