¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*
2023-10-11 2619

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Here's for your homework:
[ESSAY]
In 3~5 sentences, answer the question below:
>> Which places in the world do you think are too dangerous to visit? Why are they dangerous


In my opinion, Korea is quite safety country, but unlike ordinary domestic, the place that I've been during my military service is really dangerous. We call it 'DMZ - Demilitarized Zone'. It's the boundary place between north and south Korea. I was a ranger soldier and our mission is protect that area. In DMZ ,it's dangerous because there are possibilities that are encountering our enemies who are North Korean soldier, and there are unknown underground bomb or trap. So we never lose our attention during entering that area.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's another corrected composition, Geon. 
I appreciate your uploading it. 

Cheers,
Jean~~




                Which places in the world do you think are too dangerous to visit? Why are they dangerous


In my opinion, Korea is quite safety country, but unlike ordinary domestic, the place that I've been during my military service is really dangerous. 
>> Personally, I think Korea is quite a safe nation, but unlike ordinary places in the country, the area where I've been assigned to during my military service is really dangerous. 

We call it 'DMZ - Demilitarized Zone'. It's the boundary place between north and south Korea. 
>> We call it the (Demilitarized Zone (DMZ). It's the boundary between North and South Korea. 

I was a ranger soldier and our mission is protect that area. 
>> I was a ranger and our mission was to protect that area. 

In DMZ ,it's dangerous because there are possibilities that are encountering our enemies who are North Korean soldier, and there are unknown underground bomb or trap. 
>> The DMZ is dangerous because there are possibilities that we can encounter our enemies who are North Korean soldiers, and there are unknown underground bombs or traps. 

So we never lose our attention during entering that area.
>> So we never lose our focus when entering that area. 
>> or: That's why we always pay attention when we are in that area. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123524 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-11 1
123523 parents ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-11 2031
123522 Do you trust everything you hear and see on the news? How can... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-11 1527
123521 Are you a healthy person? What do you do about it? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-11 2191
123520 10.Nov.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-11 0
123519 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 2
123518 The best way to live healthy ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 0
123517 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 0
123516 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1376
123515 Have you traveled abroad? Where have you been? If you haven\'t... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1988
123514 The art ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 2
123513 Does South Korea have many immigrants? Share your answer in a... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 2095
123512 Use the following words in sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1694
123511 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1941
123510 What possibilities in your life do you wish you hadn\'t gone... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1781
123509 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 0
123508 What are the three most important things for you to be happy? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 2420
123507 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1994
123506 Is it a good reason to have children to avoid being lonely later... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 1697
123505 sorry ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2022-11-10 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04