¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*
2023-10-11 2107

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Here's for your homework:
[ESSAY]
In 3~5 sentences, answer the question below:
>> Which places in the world do you think are too dangerous to visit? Why are they dangerous


In my opinion, Korea is quite safety country, but unlike ordinary domestic, the place that I've been during my military service is really dangerous. We call it 'DMZ - Demilitarized Zone'. It's the boundary place between north and south Korea. I was a ranger soldier and our mission is protect that area. In DMZ ,it's dangerous because there are possibilities that are encountering our enemies who are North Korean soldier, and there are unknown underground bomb or trap. So we never lose our attention during entering that area.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's another corrected composition, Geon. 
I appreciate your uploading it. 

Cheers,
Jean~~




                Which places in the world do you think are too dangerous to visit? Why are they dangerous


In my opinion, Korea is quite safety country, but unlike ordinary domestic, the place that I've been during my military service is really dangerous. 
>> Personally, I think Korea is quite a safe nation, but unlike ordinary places in the country, the area where I've been assigned to during my military service is really dangerous. 

We call it 'DMZ - Demilitarized Zone'. It's the boundary place between north and south Korea. 
>> We call it the (Demilitarized Zone (DMZ). It's the boundary between North and South Korea. 

I was a ranger soldier and our mission is protect that area. 
>> I was a ranger and our mission was to protect that area. 

In DMZ ,it's dangerous because there are possibilities that are encountering our enemies who are North Korean soldier, and there are unknown underground bomb or trap. 
>> The DMZ is dangerous because there are possibilities that we can encounter our enemies who are North Korean soldiers, and there are unknown underground bombs or traps. 

So we never lose our attention during entering that area.
>> So we never lose our focus when entering that area. 
>> or: That's why we always pay attention when we are in that area. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127252 When you visit a new city, which places do you go to first? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1025
127251 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1091
127250 What\'s the best thing to do to stay healthy? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 923
127249 What are the advantages and disadvantages of going to the gym? Áö* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1
127248 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1231
127247 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 919
127246 What are you up to your neck in these days? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1011
127245 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 0
127244 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1
127243 What age would you like to live? Why? õ*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 3
127242 Homework ¹è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1030
127241 Be the change ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 2
127240 homework 4/6 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 3
127239 Hw ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 0
127238 The necessity of resting ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1013
127237 Do you need something? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 1215
127236 The effect eating too much junk food. Á¶*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 0
127235 Farming in Korea ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-06 888
127234 HOMEWORK FOR 04/05 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 2
127233 Homework ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-05 941

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04