¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*
2023-10-11 1502

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Here's for your homework:
[ESSAY]
In 3~5 sentences, answer the question below:
>> Which places in the world do you think are too dangerous to visit? Why are they dangerous


In my opinion, Korea is quite safety country, but unlike ordinary domestic, the place that I've been during my military service is really dangerous. We call it 'DMZ - Demilitarized Zone'. It's the boundary place between north and south Korea. I was a ranger soldier and our mission is protect that area. In DMZ ,it's dangerous because there are possibilities that are encountering our enemies who are North Korean soldier, and there are unknown underground bomb or trap. So we never lose our attention during entering that area.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's another corrected composition, Geon. 
I appreciate your uploading it. 

Cheers,
Jean~~




                Which places in the world do you think are too dangerous to visit? Why are they dangerous


In my opinion, Korea is quite safety country, but unlike ordinary domestic, the place that I've been during my military service is really dangerous. 
>> Personally, I think Korea is quite a safe nation, but unlike ordinary places in the country, the area where I've been assigned to during my military service is really dangerous. 

We call it 'DMZ - Demilitarized Zone'. It's the boundary place between north and south Korea. 
>> We call it the (Demilitarized Zone (DMZ). It's the boundary between North and South Korea. 

I was a ranger soldier and our mission is protect that area. 
>> I was a ranger and our mission was to protect that area. 

In DMZ ,it's dangerous because there are possibilities that are encountering our enemies who are North Korean soldier, and there are unknown underground bomb or trap. 
>> The DMZ is dangerous because there are possibilities that we can encounter our enemies who are North Korean soldiers, and there are unknown underground bombs or traps. 

So we never lose our attention during entering that area.
>> So we never lose our focus when entering that area. 
>> or: That's why we always pay attention when we are in that area. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131991 Do you think dreams can be explained scientifically? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-10-28 1411
131990 A Kenyan proverb says: \"Having a good discussion is like having... ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-28 2
131989 home work ±è*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-10-28 1813
131988 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-28 2
131987 How do you want to spend your free time? ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-10-28 2031
131986 What is the most difficult part of studying English? ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-10-28 1634
131985 How do you deal with days when you don\'t feel like working out? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 2462
131984 The most important things my parents taught me ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 1326
131983 homework 10.27 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 1962
131982 A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 0
131981 What do you think is the worst sleeping disorder? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 1632
131980 How much child support is enough in South Korea? ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 1
131979 Our accent ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 2031
131978 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 3518
131977 What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to... ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 0
131976 Homework ¾È*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 2044
131975 homework Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 2
131974 . ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 3
131973 Do you think all world leaders are intelligent? Á¤*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 1808
131972 Understanding skills and empathy ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-27 1186

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04