¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*
2023-10-11 1514

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Here's for your homework:
[ESSAY]
In 3~5 sentences, answer the question below:
>> Which places in the world do you think are too dangerous to visit? Why are they dangerous


In my opinion, Korea is quite safety country, but unlike ordinary domestic, the place that I've been during my military service is really dangerous. We call it 'DMZ - Demilitarized Zone'. It's the boundary place between north and south Korea. I was a ranger soldier and our mission is protect that area. In DMZ ,it's dangerous because there are possibilities that are encountering our enemies who are North Korean soldier, and there are unknown underground bomb or trap. So we never lose our attention during entering that area.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's another corrected composition, Geon. 
I appreciate your uploading it. 

Cheers,
Jean~~




                Which places in the world do you think are too dangerous to visit? Why are they dangerous


In my opinion, Korea is quite safety country, but unlike ordinary domestic, the place that I've been during my military service is really dangerous. 
>> Personally, I think Korea is quite a safe nation, but unlike ordinary places in the country, the area where I've been assigned to during my military service is really dangerous. 

We call it 'DMZ - Demilitarized Zone'. It's the boundary place between north and south Korea. 
>> We call it the (Demilitarized Zone (DMZ). It's the boundary between North and South Korea. 

I was a ranger soldier and our mission is protect that area. 
>> I was a ranger and our mission was to protect that area. 

In DMZ ,it's dangerous because there are possibilities that are encountering our enemies who are North Korean soldier, and there are unknown underground bomb or trap. 
>> The DMZ is dangerous because there are possibilities that we can encounter our enemies who are North Korean soldiers, and there are unknown underground bombs or traps. 

So we never lose our attention during entering that area.
>> So we never lose our focus when entering that area. 
>> or: That's why we always pay attention when we are in that area. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132112 Is there something fun that you haven¡¯t been able to do yet? Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-02 0
132111 1.Nov 2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-02 1
132110 Have you ever stumbled upon a job posting in a completely... ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-02 1
132109 homework_231101 ÇÑ*·Ï ¿Ï·á 2023-11-02 1
132108 What are your main responsibilities in your current job? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-11-02 2283
132107 Are workers more productive at home? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-02 1
132106 HOMEWORK -231101 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 1
132105 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 1846
132104 What is your favorite thing to do on social media? Explain why. ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 1474
132103 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 2
132102 homework 11.01 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 2081
132101 I am half in favor of and half against the content of the... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 1620
132100 I don\'t think I\'m going to ask questions because homeless... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 1978
132099 Providing the things you need ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 2476
132098 I think all movies are the best. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 3542
132097 Yes, the world\'s oceans are dangerous. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 2034
132096 Pick your favorite food. Describe what you taste, smell, and... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 2487
132095 Which one would you choose, live longer but suffer from more... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 1
132094 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 1275
132093 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about ¡°What is the... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-11-01 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04