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영작교정 게시판

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Do you think people should continue practicing their traditions (ex: charae, jesa) during big holida

작성자: 송*하
2023-10-09 1712

회원님의 영작문

According to the survey, 40% of Korean married couple have had argument between their perspective of Charae(Korean traditional ritual, or Jesa). The main reason why they misunderstand is because of their role of ritual preparation. Actually most tradition practises are based on displaying food and fruit, then it leads a lot of responsibility to the kitchen people. In my opinion, if the preparation is on going unbalanced, it should be managed and re-distributed equally in order to prevent causing victims from the family business. Unfortunately, Charae is still making a lot of controversy that how a bunch of wife and husband can preserve this tradition ritual wisely. I strongly claim that elder people whose thought are still firmed on Charae provide alternatives to create happy family day.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Myeong Ha!

According to the survey, 40% of Korean married couple have had argument between their perspective of Charae(Korean traditional ritual, or Jesa). 
>>>  According to the survey, 40% of Korean married couples have had arguments due to their conflicting perspective of Charae(Korean traditional ritual, or Jesa). 
The main reason why they misunderstand is because of their role of ritual preparation. 
>>>  The main reason why they have misunderstandings is because of their role in the ritual preparation. 
Actually most tradition practises are based on displaying food and fruit, then it leads a lot of responsibility to the kitchen people. 
>>>  Actually, most traditional practices are based on displaying food and fruit, then it leads to a lot of responsibilities on the kitchen people. 
In my opinion, if the preparation is on going unbalanced, it should be managed and re-distributed equally in order to prevent causing victims from the family business.
>>>  In my opinion, if the preparation goes unbalanced, it should be managed and re-distributed equally in order to prevent causing victims from the family business.
Unfortunately, Charae is still making a lot of controversy that how a bunch of wife and husband can preserve this tradition ritual wisely. 
>>> Unfortunately, Charae is still making a lot of controversies on how a bunch of wives and husbands can preserve this traditional ritual wisely.  
I strongly claim that elder people whose thought are still firmed on Charae provide alternatives to create happy family day.
>>>  correct
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