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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Homework

작성자: 김*우
2023-10-05 1966

회원님의 영작문

Hi, there.
As you said, the temperature was dropped suddenly.
After a long time, I took my kids to their school this morning.
There were too many cars on the road, so it took around 40 minutes to go to my clinic.
Since I drank a whiskey and talked with my wife last night for a long time, I was fatigued all day.
One of our counselling manger presented the greatest staff and most kind staff in the morning conference.
All staff including us applauded for them, and we decided to give a prize for them.
I hope this event will make our clinic stronger.
There will be a special event tomorrow.
One producer who makes a TV program contacted us and asked us that we let them shoot a video about managing a patient.
We accepted it, so they will shot a video that I see a patient tomorrow.
Regarding my homework, I really want my kids to be patient and polite and to keep a promise on time.
Also, I don't want them to be people that give up so easily.
I want my kids to be better people than me.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good afternoon, Dr. Kim!

Autumn just said hello shortly and goodbye right after a while. As you take your children to school, someday soon, you will realize how time is like a thief stealing these moments so swiftly. So, while you can and there is time to be together to fit in your red BMW, treasure these little moments with your little girls.

Congratulations for the awardees in your clinic! Recognizing their great efforts will make them stay and work better with you. All people who are appreciated shine brighter like a plant that receives the right amount of sunlight and water.

I hope that you can shake off your fatigue by shooting your video with the production team for the tv show. As I said, big stars probably started with a tiny cameo role. So, I hope that you will shine in your natural acting playing your part as a doctor. 

As parents, we always want the best conditions, favors, and luck for our children. Genetically, we can already see what they inherited from us. Then, we can influence the children by our thoughts and actions as we live.

Then, please read, analyze, and memorize the grammar suggestions I placed below. Your clarity of thought is always evident in the grammar and content of your writing. Excellent as always!

I am beat right now, I need a nap! ^^

Have a blast this weekend! See you.

-T. Donna~

Hi, there.
>> Correct!

As you said, the temperature was dropped suddenly.
>> As you said, the temperature has dropped suddenly.

After a long time, I took my kids to their school this morning.
>> Correct!

There were too many cars on the road, so it took around 40 minutes to go to my clinic.
>> Correct!

Since I drank a whiskey and talked with my wife last night for a long time, I was fatigued all day.
>> Since I drank whiskey and talked with my wife last night for a long time, I was fatigued all day.

One of our counselling manger presented the greatest staff and most kind staff in the morning conference.
>> One of our counselling managers presented the greatest staff and the kindest staff in the morning conference.

All staff including us applauded for them, and we decided to give a prize for them.
>> All staff including us applauded them, and we decided to give a prize for them.

I hope this event will make our clinic stronger.
>> Correct!

There will be a special event tomorrow.
>> Correct!

One producer who makes a TV program contacted us and asked us that we let them shoot a video about managing a patient.
>> Correct!

We accepted it, so they will shot a video that I see a patient tomorrow.
>> We accepted it, so they will shoot a video that I see a patient tomorrow.

Regarding my homework, I really want my kids to be patient and polite and to keep a promise on time.
>> Correct!

Also, I don't want them to be people that give up so easily.
>>  Also, I don't want them to be people who give up so easily.

I want my kids to be better people than me.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
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