¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 10.05

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-10-05 2153

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?


Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?



Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
>> Recently, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
>> One of the crime is a motiveless crime.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
>> A motiveless crime is a crime wherein a criminal harms a stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
>> Most of these criminals try to lower their punishments by saying they have a mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
>> Some of them did it several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
>> In addition, some of these criminals said that the prison is more convenient than being outside.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
>> It's because there's nothing they can do in the society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
>> CORRECT!
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
>> I think these criminals should be cut off forever from the society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.
>> And I don't understand that the prison's environment is too good.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128192 What things do you love to do on weekends? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 1155
128191 Have you ever been to a family reunion? How was it? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 1153
128190 Are gender roles changing in your country? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 2
128189 Are we all born with the same level of intelligence? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 2
128188 What do the clothes someone wears say about that person? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 2
128187 Do you think that teachers should have a higher pay than... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-13 2
128186 homework 5/10 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 3
128185 homework 05.12 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 1191
128184 What is your favorite movie and why? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 1150
128183 Do you think the bill in question violates children\'s human... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 4
128182 What makes you happy? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 1053
128181 My best birthday gift ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 1130
128180 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 0
128179 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 0
128178 How do you show your love to your sister? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 0
128177 Who is the person you would like to be stranded with on a... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 1028
128176 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 0
128175 What does ¡°inner beauty¡± mean to you? Do you consider... ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 913
128174 I think the people\'s born in the world have seen intelligence... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 879
128173 What are some possible compromises that can be made between... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-12 939

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04