¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 10.05

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-10-05 932

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?


Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?



Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
>> Recently, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
>> One of the crime is a motiveless crime.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
>> A motiveless crime is a crime wherein a criminal harms a stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
>> Most of these criminals try to lower their punishments by saying they have a mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
>> Some of them did it several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
>> In addition, some of these criminals said that the prison is more convenient than being outside.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
>> It's because there's nothing they can do in the society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
>> CORRECT!
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
>> I think these criminals should be cut off forever from the society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.
>> And I don't understand that the prison's environment is too good.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129748 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1256
129747 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1645
129746 Homework ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1121
129745 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1040
129744 Who do you spend your free time with? what do you do toghther? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2
129743 Write about the natural disaster that happend in Korea during... ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1
129742 homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2093
129741 immigrant ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1472
129740 Hello. ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 2
129739 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1425
129738 2023.7.24 homework ±è*»è ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 1457
129737 Which is more important beauty or intelligence? Why? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-25 933
129736 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-24 1570
129735 What\'s your theory on the 4 children surviving the plane crash... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-07-24 2
129734 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-24 1411
129733 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-24 2
129732 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-07-24 0
129731 Do you like eating candy ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-07-24 1692
129730 Do you prefer rainy or sunny weather? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-07-24 0
129729 homework 07.24 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-07-24 1944

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04