¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 10.05

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-10-05 823

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?


Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?



Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
>> Recently, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
>> One of the crime is a motiveless crime.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
>> A motiveless crime is a crime wherein a criminal harms a stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
>> Most of these criminals try to lower their punishments by saying they have a mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
>> Some of them did it several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
>> In addition, some of these criminals said that the prison is more convenient than being outside.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
>> It's because there's nothing they can do in the society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
>> CORRECT!
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
>> I think these criminals should be cut off forever from the society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.
>> And I don't understand that the prison's environment is too good.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131076 What other I.T. projects have you made in the past that are... ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 3
131075 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 0
131074 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 0
131073 Do you have any goals that you feel are unrealistic? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 978
131072 Wednesday Homework ÃÖ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 1
131071 . ÃÖ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 1
131070 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 684
131069 WRITING TASK: How do your family and friends help you when you... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 6
131068 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 585
131067 Are cars an extension of personality ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 845
131066 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 732
131065 What daily activities do you have that you enjoy the most? Why? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 2
131064 What¡¯s the worst natural disaster in your opinion? À¯* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 2
131063 malaria ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 249
131062 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 576
131061 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 301
131060 homwork ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 1
131059 Important factors in determining price of a property : location... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-09-15 2
131058 What animal best represents you? Why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-14 2
131057 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-14 625

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04