¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 10.05

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-10-05 809

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?


Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?



Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
>> Recently, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
>> One of the crime is a motiveless crime.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
>> A motiveless crime is a crime wherein a criminal harms a stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
>> Most of these criminals try to lower their punishments by saying they have a mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
>> Some of them did it several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
>> In addition, some of these criminals said that the prison is more convenient than being outside.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
>> It's because there's nothing they can do in the society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
>> CORRECT!
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
>> I think these criminals should be cut off forever from the society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.
>> And I don't understand that the prison's environment is too good.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131184 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 2
131183 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 816
131182 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \" What makes... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 1
131181 A stressful job with very high pay or a relaxing job with... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 467
131180 How do you protect your privacy at home as a young adult? ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 1
131179 HOMEWORK-230920 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 1
131178 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 521
131177 WRITING TASK: Why is work etiquette important? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 592
131176 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 547
131175 The most dangerous country ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 593
131174 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 431
131173 What qualities do you look for in a good movie? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 616
131172 Can you name a movie or TV show that was filmed in your city or... Á¶*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 0
131171 Are you a hard worker? What motivates you to work? ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 1
131170 Being risk taker ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 464
131169 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-09-20 367
131168 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 2
131167 I don\'t like live the tallest building. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 0
131166 What¡¯s the nicest thing you¡¯ve ever done for your friends? À¯* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 0
131165 homework 09.19 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-09-19 387

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04