¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 10.05

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-10-05 1959

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?


Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of punishments should be given to criminals that have committed heavy crimes?



Recently days, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
>> Recently, many absurd crimes have occurred in Korea.
One of the crime is the motiveless crimes.
>> One of the crime is a motiveless crime.
The motiveless crime is a criminal harms to stranger.
>> A motiveless crime is a crime wherein a criminal harms a stranger.
The most of this criminals try to lower their punishments because they have mental illness.
>> Most of these criminals try to lower their punishments by saying they have a mental illness.
And some of them have this criminal did several times.
>> Some of them did it several times.
In addition, some of them criminal said prison is more convenient than society.
>> In addition, some of these criminals said that the prison is more convenient than being outside.
Because there are nothing can do in society.
>> It's because there's nothing they can do in the society.
So, the prison facilities, systems are convenient for them.
>> CORRECT!
I think these heavy criminal should be cut off forever from society.
>> I think these criminals should be cut off forever from the society.
And I don't understand that the prison environment is too good.
>> And I don't understand that the prison's environment is too good.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133301 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1201
133300 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1184
133299 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1229
133298 What are some prejudices you have? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1
133297 My teeth are in good condition. ¹Ú*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1094
133296 Memorable experience ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 876
133295 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1
133294 >> Do you think it¡¯s fair that so much of the world¡¯s wealth... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1189
133293 Best place in my country ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1361
133292 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1359
133291 Action to the confidential information ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1254
133290 Survey ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1
133289 Letter ±Ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-18 1
133288 What would you do if you had a few extra hours in a day? ÇÏ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-17 0
133287 Relaxing vacation ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-17 1
133286 Diet ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-17 1
133285 Is technology too isolating? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-17 1
133284 The flow of Korean history. ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-17 3
133283 Background of the Korean War. ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-17 1601
133282 HOMEWORK FOR 12.15.2023 WRITING TASK: How should we sound polite... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-17 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04