무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Essay - consequences from birthrate decrease in future (1)

작성자: 홍*표
2023-10-05 1506

회원님의 영작문

This is one of the biggest social problems in Korea. The birthrate has been decreased over than couple of decades. Even though each governments during the decades have made lots of policy/programs to increase the birthrate, it has not been worked so far. Based on statistics from KR government, the birthrate was only 0.7 in last year, and we are even expecting 0.69 or 0.68 this year, which means the issue is getting severer.

I do find the reason of this issue from HIGH competitions in KR society. We are living in small territory where over 80% is covered by mountains. As the result, over than 50% poeple in KR is living in Seoul city or near-to-Seoul, which causes super high population concentration in this area. Our strong competition starts from student period. Many (actually almost all) students are forced to study all day long, and their parents are forced to spend lots of moeny to send thier children to after-school classes, such as English or meth class.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Chester!

This is one of the biggest social problems in Korea. 
>>> correct     
The birthrate has been decreased over than couple of decades. 
>>> The birthrate has decreased for the past couple of decades.     
Even though each governments during the decades have made lots of policy/programs to increase the birthrate, it has not been worked so far. 
>>> Even though each government for the past decades have made lots of policy/programs to increase the birthrate, it has not been working so far.      
Based on statistics from KR government, the birthrate was only 0.7 in last year, and we are even expecting 0.69 or 0.68 this year, which means the issue is getting severer.
>>> Based on statistics from KR government, the birthrate was only 0.7 last year, and we are even expecting 0.69 or 0.68 this year, which means the issue is getting more severe.   
I do find the reason of this issue from HIGH competitions in KR society. 
>>> I do find the reason for this issue comes from HIGH competitions in KR society. 
We are living in small territory where over 80% is covered by mountains. 
>>>  We are living in a small territory where over 80% is covered by mountains.    
As the result, over than 50% poeple in KR is living in Seoul city or near-to-Seoul, which causes super high population concentration in this area. 
>>> As a result, more than 50% of people in KR is living in Seoul city or near-to-Seoul, which leads to a high population concentration in this area.    
Our strong competition starts from student period. 
>>> OR: Our strong competition starts from our student days.      
Many (actually almost all) students are forced to study all day long, and their parents are forced to spend lots of moeny to send thier children to after-school classes, such as English or meth class.
>>>  Many (actually almost all) students are forced to study all day long, and their parents are forced to spend lots of money to send their children to after-school classes, such as English or Math class.   
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
130644 Do you think bullies still have the chance to change? Why or why... 김*경 완료 2023-08-31 1306
130643 What are the best ways to keep yourself fit? 김*경 완료 2023-08-31 1208
130642 Do we have a special responsibility to help others even though... 이*태 완료 2023-08-31 1556
130641 What are the pros and cons of keeping a pet? 조*민 완료 2023-08-31 1039
130640 Homework 김*님 완료 2023-08-30 840
130639 What do you think are the biggest challenges facing transgenders... 김*민 완료 2023-08-30 3
130638 I like hanging out 류*원 완료 2023-08-30 2
130637 If I apologize to my ex 최*환 완료 2023-08-30 1565
130636 What is the best season to enjoy travelling in Korea? Why? 박*우 완료 2023-08-30 1468
130635 To advise the other one 최*환 완료 2023-08-30 822
130634 homework 08.30 최*� 완료 2023-08-30 1330
130633 Homework 권*미 완료 2023-08-30 0
130632 How important are books to you? 에*미 완료 2023-08-30 6
130631 Homework 김*서 완료 2023-08-30 3
130630 Homework 이*경 완료 2023-08-30 1260
130629 What is the status of gender equality in South Korea? 이*주 완료 2023-08-30 2
130628 homework 정*호 완료 2023-08-30 0
130627 homework 정*호 완료 2023-08-30 0
130626 homework 정*호 완료 2023-08-30 0
130625 What would you do if you had really noisy neighbors? 에*미 완료 2023-08-30 12

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]