¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-09-19 1316

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hi.
I've been worried about your health more and more.
You are not such an old person, we just belong to fourties.
Make sure you try to recover your body and see doctors soon.
Money is crucial, but not as much as health.
You have a good energy to be able to influence to many people.
It is a special gift from God, so you have a responsiblity for that.
Stay healthy and happy always.
Anyway, God gave only a little patients to me this morning.
The profit was not bad though.
I think I don't want more money and more work.
Of course, I have no choice because of my debt now.
When I started my clinic alone, I failed to manage my staff many times.
Although I didn't mean to make a problem, whenever I listened to and sympathize a staff's word, many staff started conflicts.
One day, five staff resigned together, when there were only seven staff worked in the clinic.
It was a terrible time.
After many years, I've realized that I shouldn't have shared personal emotion in relationship with staff.
See

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening, Dr. Kim!

This is the second essay that I am checking from you today. You are really consistent and dedicated to your work. I salute you for these.

Actually, I am lucky to be sick over the weekend. In two more days, I shall fully recover and emcee three events. I really need to be healthy during those days. I may even get the chance to meet the Philippine President on the third event. I hope he comes in flesh and not join through a video message. ^^ You know I always take your advice. I will do my best to get an executive check up soon. There is nothing to worry about (I hope). ^^

Regarding your patients, there are good days, and there are better days. These are things that you can predict but not all the time. The only guarantee that patients and clients will go and visit your is their urgency to visit you. So cross your fingers always.

About the lesson that you learned from the past leadership you had, it is true that familiarity breeds contempt. The more you know about your staff, the more disappointed you become. So drawing your border lines from them creates a more professional growth.

Thank you very much to your early submission of homework today! Tomorrow,  you shall enjoy your life and forget about your clinic. Meanwhile, your writing contains a variety of simple to complex sentences. Be cautious about your word order as well as spelling always. Excellent output, keep it up!

See you!

-T. Donna~

Hi.
>> Correct!

I've been worried about your health more and more.
>> Correct!

You are not such an old person, we just belong to fourties.
>> Correct!

Make sure you try to recover your body and see doctors soon.
>> Correct!

Money is crucial, but not as much as health.
>> Correct!

You have a good energy to be able to influence to many people.
>> Correct!

It is a special gift from God, so you have a responsiblity for that.
>> Correct!
Or: responsibility

Stay healthy and happy always.
>> Correct!

Anyway, God gave only a little patients to me this morning.
>> Anyway, God gave only a few patients to me this morning.

The profit was not bad though.
>> Correct!

I think I don't want more money and more work.
>> Correct!

Of course, I have no choice because of my debt now.
>> Correct!

When I started my clinic alone, I failed to manage my staff many times.
>> Correct!

Although I didn't mean to make a problem, whenever I listened to and sympathize a staff's word, many staff started conflicts.
>> Although I didn't mean to make a problem, whenever I listened to and sympathize to a staff's word, many staff started conflicts.

One day, five staff resigned together, when there were only seven staff worked in the clinic.
>> One day, five staff resigned together, when there were only seven staff who worked in the clinic.

It was a terrible time.
>> Correct!

After many years, I've realized that I shouldn't have shared personal emotion in relationship with staff.
>> After many years, I've realized that I shouldn't have shared personal emotional relationship with my staff.

See
>> See you.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
131646 ¡°Name a fairy tale character that you would portray in real... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 0
131645 How has popular culture added to globalization? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1
131644 Write about an incident or disaster you know or heard of that... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1
131643 Homework ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 0
131642 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1391
131641 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 2
131640 WRITING TASK: In your opinion, what is the best form of... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 7
131639 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1142
131638 prison sentences Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 2
131637 231013 Homework ¹Ú*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 2063
131636 How would you like to be assisted? ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1615
131635 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1364
131634 If you had the chance to go to any concert in the world, whose... ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1024
131633 Fill in the blanks with an adjective of the appropriate degree... ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 3
131632 What are the advantages and disadvantages of attending an event... ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1
131631 Diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1
131630 homework Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 4
131629 war ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 2295
131628 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1
131627 Tennis ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-10-13 1686

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04