¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 09.15

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-09-15 1136

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the disadvantages of doing cosmetic surgery?

These days, many people do a lot of cosmetic(plastic) surgery for their appearance or therapeutic purposes.
I think, moderate surgery is good but, excessive surgery is not good.
Because I watched many people cases of side effects from excessive surgery.
In addition, some people get mental problem because of the cosmetic surgery's side effects.
And, even if we asked responsibility to doctor, victim said that it is difficult to get compensation.
So I think, if we want cosmetic surgery, we have to carefully choice.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the disadvantages of doing cosmetic surgery?


These days, many people do a lot of cosmetic(plastic) surgery for their appearance or therapeutic purposes.
>> CORRECT!
I think, moderate surgery is good but, excessive surgery is not good.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I think, moderate surgery is good but, excessive surgery isn't.
Because I watched many people cases of side effects from excessive surgery.
>> That's because I have watched many cases of people who experienced the side effects of excessive surgery.
In addition, some people get mental problem because of the cosmetic surgery's side effects.
>> In addition, some people get mental problems because of the cosmetic surgery's side effects.
And, even if we asked responsibility to doctor, victim said that it is difficult to get compensation.
>> And, even if we ask responsibility from the doctors, victims said that it is difficult to get for compensation.
So I think, if we want cosmetic surgery, we have to carefully choice.
>> So I think, if we want cosmetic surgery, we have to carefully choose.
OR >> So I think, if we want to undergo cosmetic surgery, we have to think more than twice.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128882 My pizza! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-16 695
128881 What is the latest animated movie you watched? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-16 0
128880 06-16 homework ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-16 1264
128879 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 1041
128878 homework 06.15 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 1432
128877 why the health is important ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 1159
128876 How I make friends ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 1074
128875 What is the most beatiful for you , the moon or the sun? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 982
128874 homework ¾È*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 811
128873 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 1199
128872 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 889
128871 What effect does violence in movies or video games have on kids? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 1440
128870 If you were the owner of a convenience store chain or franchise,... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 5
128869 Racism ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 1
128868 What do you like to do when you\'re not at school? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 0
128867 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 913
128866 Gene Fowler said ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 475
128865 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 2
128864 Are there strong laws in your country to prevent discrimination? ¹Ú*³ª ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 829
128863 6/15 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-15 819

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04