¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 09.15

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-09-15 639

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the disadvantages of doing cosmetic surgery?

These days, many people do a lot of cosmetic(plastic) surgery for their appearance or therapeutic purposes.
I think, moderate surgery is good but, excessive surgery is not good.
Because I watched many people cases of side effects from excessive surgery.
In addition, some people get mental problem because of the cosmetic surgery's side effects.
And, even if we asked responsibility to doctor, victim said that it is difficult to get compensation.
So I think, if we want cosmetic surgery, we have to carefully choice.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What are the disadvantages of doing cosmetic surgery?


These days, many people do a lot of cosmetic(plastic) surgery for their appearance or therapeutic purposes.
>> CORRECT!
I think, moderate surgery is good but, excessive surgery is not good.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> I think, moderate surgery is good but, excessive surgery isn't.
Because I watched many people cases of side effects from excessive surgery.
>> That's because I have watched many cases of people who experienced the side effects of excessive surgery.
In addition, some people get mental problem because of the cosmetic surgery's side effects.
>> In addition, some people get mental problems because of the cosmetic surgery's side effects.
And, even if we asked responsibility to doctor, victim said that it is difficult to get compensation.
>> And, even if we ask responsibility from the doctors, victims said that it is difficult to get for compensation.
So I think, if we want cosmetic surgery, we have to carefully choice.
>> So I think, if we want cosmetic surgery, we have to carefully choose.
OR >> So I think, if we want to undergo cosmetic surgery, we have to think more than twice.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130980 homework ¾È*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 644
130979 What is your favorite thing in your bedroom and why? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 0
130978 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 484
130977 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"Who makes you... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 1
130976 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 3
130975 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 356
130974 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 333
130973 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 0
130972 HOMEWORK-230912 ¾ç*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 1
130971 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 782
130970 Essay Homework È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 1
130969 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 0
130968 Three sentences using ¡®squeeze something in¡¯ ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 628
130967 WRITING TASK: What is the first thing you do when you travel... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 2
130966 When do you prefer to have a family gathering? ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 793
130965 . ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 4
130964 Can you describe a recent experience that taught you something... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 564
130963 Why do some people panic in a situation when other people remain... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 648
130962 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 616
130961 Hi Teacher~! ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-09-12 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04