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영작교정 게시판

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Do you think bullies still have the chance to change? Why or why not?

작성자: 김*경
2023-08-31 790

회원님의 영작문

No wonder Bullies still have the chance to make amends for bullying their friends. When you feel it’s too late to do it, it’s the earliest time for you to start it. However, when bullies have remorse for what they did in the past and have the sincerity to repent of it, they should be as sincere as possible about it. That’s because victims might have had incurable hurts in their hearts although their physical hurts could be healed.
I believe almost every juvenile delinquency might be brought about by causes coming from outside of those bullies, such as unrealistic gangster movies describing violence as a heroic deed, or a broken family. So we can solve the school violence problems by addressing the causes behind complicated youth problems. Moreover, Juvenile delinquency in our society is not a problem that can be done or not, but a problem that we should resolve for our future. Therefore, we need to control and keep our children's educational environment safe from bad influences.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Steve!

Thank you for answering your homework!

Here are some things to take note of:

1. No wonder Bullies still have the chance to make amends for bullying their friends. 
>>Bullies still have the chance to make amends for bullying their friends. 

2. When you feel it’s too late to do it, it’s the earliest time for you to start it. 
>>When you feel that it’s too late to do it, it’s actually the earliest time for you to start it. 

3. However, when bullies have remorse for what they did in the past and have the sincerity to repent of it, they should be as sincere as possible about it. 
>>CORRECT!

4. That’s because victims might have had incurable hurts in their hearts although their physical hurts could be healed.
>>That’s because victims might have had incurable hurts in their hearts although their physical hurts could have been healed.

5. I believe almost every juvenile delinquency might be brought about by causes coming from outside of those bullies, such as unrealistic gangster movies describing violence as a heroic deed, or a broken family.
>>I believe almost every juvenile delinquent might be brought about by causes coming from outside, such as unrealistic gangster movies describing violence as a heroic deed, or a broken family.

6. So we can solve the school violence problems by addressing the causes behind complicated youth problems. 
>>We can solve the school violence problems by addressing the causes behind the complicated youth problems. 

7. Moreover, Juvenile delinquency in our society is not a problem that can be done or not, but a problem that we should resolve for our future. 
>>Moreover, Juvenile delinquency in our society is a problem that we should resolve for our future. 

8. Therefore, we need to control and keep our children's educational environment safe from bad influences.
>>CORRECT!
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