¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

To advise the other one

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-30 977

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I advise someone who is depressed, I will say that you should run just 10 minutes a day. I have overcome with running when I depressed. The running can make some neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. Those are effects to our brain and make us happy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Thomas.

You surely know how to overcome and succeed depression. In truth, we all get depressed sometimes only in different levels. This is something not taught in schools but one that we have to experience and go through to learn.

Then, keep running, loving, and making yourself better to add more value to who you are. That is attractive to women.

Go over my suggestions below and make sure to note down the correct patterns to make your speech and writing better. Well done!

See you!

-T. Donna~

If I advise someone who is depressed, I will say that you should run just 10 minutes a day. 
>> If I advise someone who is depressed, I will say that this person should run just 10 minutes a day. 

I have overcome with running when I depressed. 
>> I have overcome with running when I'm depressed.

The running can make some neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. 
>> Running can make some neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. 

Those are effects to our brain and make us happy.
>> Correct!
Or: Those are the effects to our brain and make us happy.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128246 What is your favorite fruit and why? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1
128245 What is your favorite computer games? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 948
128244 To keep passion alive ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1061
128243 Should plastic be banned in Korea? Á¤*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1336
128242 Home work. ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 3
128241 Should plastic be banned in Korea? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1459
128240 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1205
128239 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 0
128238 Homework for 05/16 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 2
128237 Do you agree with the following statement: home schooling... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 2
128236 1 Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1041
128235 Homework for 05/15 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1
128234 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 2
128233 5/16 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1214
128232 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 1393
128231 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-16 2
128230 Should corporations have a higher or lower tax rate? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 3
128229 Should plastic be banned in Korea? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 1110
128228 Homr work. ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 2
128227 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-15 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04