¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

To advise the other one

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-30 954

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I advise someone who is depressed, I will say that you should run just 10 minutes a day. I have overcome with running when I depressed. The running can make some neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. Those are effects to our brain and make us happy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Thomas.

You surely know how to overcome and succeed depression. In truth, we all get depressed sometimes only in different levels. This is something not taught in schools but one that we have to experience and go through to learn.

Then, keep running, loving, and making yourself better to add more value to who you are. That is attractive to women.

Go over my suggestions below and make sure to note down the correct patterns to make your speech and writing better. Well done!

See you!

-T. Donna~

If I advise someone who is depressed, I will say that you should run just 10 minutes a day. 
>> If I advise someone who is depressed, I will say that this person should run just 10 minutes a day. 

I have overcome with running when I depressed. 
>> I have overcome with running when I'm depressed.

The running can make some neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. 
>> Running can make some neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. 

Those are effects to our brain and make us happy.
>> Correct!
Or: Those are the effects to our brain and make us happy.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128445 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 1204
128444 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 1529
128443 An effect of advertisement is great. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 1
128442 What are the causes and effects of poverty? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-05-25 1
128441 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 907
128440 What other food would you like to try? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 985
128439 homework 05.24 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1071
128438 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 942
128437 Homework ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1085
128436 In your opinion, is it hard to look for a venue? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1
128435 My favorite animation character ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 867
128434 Question ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 2
128433 What do you do in your free time? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1210
128432 How can you convince someone to take a position he/she doesn\'t... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 5
128431 Minds! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1203
128430 How was your day? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 783
128429 How does divorce affects children? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1124
128428 Eleanor Roosevelt said: ¡°Great minds discuss ideas; average... ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1507
128427 What do you like doing on holidays? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1
128426 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-24 1451

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04