¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

To advise the other one

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-30 638

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

If I advise someone who is depressed, I will say that you should run just 10 minutes a day. I have overcome with running when I depressed. The running can make some neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. Those are effects to our brain and make us happy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Thomas.

You surely know how to overcome and succeed depression. In truth, we all get depressed sometimes only in different levels. This is something not taught in schools but one that we have to experience and go through to learn.

Then, keep running, loving, and making yourself better to add more value to who you are. That is attractive to women.

Go over my suggestions below and make sure to note down the correct patterns to make your speech and writing better. Well done!

See you!

-T. Donna~

If I advise someone who is depressed, I will say that you should run just 10 minutes a day. 
>> If I advise someone who is depressed, I will say that this person should run just 10 minutes a day. 

I have overcome with running when I depressed. 
>> I have overcome with running when I'm depressed.

The running can make some neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. 
>> Running can make some neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. 

Those are effects to our brain and make us happy.
>> Correct!
Or: Those are the effects to our brain and make us happy.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127432 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 290
127431 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 2
127430 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 1
127429 Could you imagine yourself being away from home for a very long... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 323
127428 Homework. 23.04.13 ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 347
127427 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 1
127426 Homework ¹è*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 344
127425 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 324
127424 4.13 homework ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 338
127423 where do you usually meet new people? ±è*¸§ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 352
127422 What do you think houses/apartments in the future will be like? Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 320
127421 single ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 346
127420 Navigation app ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 1
127419 Ideal characteristics ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 403
127418 What do you usually do when you get home from school? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 1
127417 Homework for 04/12 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 2
127416 What is the most memorable travel you have ever had? Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-04-13 2
127415 HOMEWORK FOR 04/12 Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 4
127414 Homework ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 339
127413 Home work Á¶* ¿Ï·á 2023-04-12 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04