¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 08.24

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-08-24 1822

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What would you like to change about the education system of your country?

In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter they are interested or not in studying.
And they study hard to go better university.
But, I think the biggest problem is private education and public education.
Private education is a class in private academy except for schools.
Schools teachers don't teach students the basics.
So, most pupils have to per-learning through private education.
I have experienced it, too
I think this education system is wrong.
Because if I don't learning private education, I can't maintain grade(score).
In addition, students do not focus on school classes.
Because they are busy the academy homework.
So, I want to change this system problems.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What would you like to change about the education system of your country?


In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter they are interested or not in studying.
>> In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter if they are interested or not in studying.
And they study hard to go better university.
>> And they study hard to go to a better university.
But, I think the biggest problem is private education and public education.
>> CORRECT!
Private education is a class in private academy except for schools.
>> CORRECT!
Schools teachers don't teach students the basics.
>> School teachers don't teach students the basics.
So, most pupils have to per-learning through private education.
>> So, most pupils have to undergo pre-learning through private education.
I have experienced it, too.
>> CORRECT!
I think this education system is wrong.
>> CORRECT!
Because if I don't learning private education, I can't maintain grade(score).
>> If I don't learn under private education, I can't maintain good grades (score).
In addition, students do not focus on school classes.
>> CORRECT!
Because they are busy the academy homework.
>> It's because they are busy with their academy homework.
So, I want to change this system problems.
>> So, I want to change this system's problem.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128282 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 0
128281 Why are families important? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1138
128280 My country!! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 870
128279 Who are you most proud of among your relatives? Who do you look... ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1149
128278 Homework for 05/17 ¹æ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 3
128277 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 0
128276 What do you do to help your mom do some house chores? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 2
128275 Is having a positive thinking really important? ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1
128274 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1125
128273 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? °­*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 0
128272 How do you order food in English? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1387
128271 Food I\'ve never tried ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1330
128270 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1260
128269 Diary20230517(part2) Á¶*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1007
128268 Diary20230517(part1) Á¶*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1183
128267 It\'s nice to see you again, too. Harmony~! Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1551
128266 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1085
128265 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1
128264 May.17 ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1328
128263 Because of my job, it is cancer. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-17 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04