¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 08.24

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-08-24 1801

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What would you like to change about the education system of your country?

In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter they are interested or not in studying.
And they study hard to go better university.
But, I think the biggest problem is private education and public education.
Private education is a class in private academy except for schools.
Schools teachers don't teach students the basics.
So, most pupils have to per-learning through private education.
I have experienced it, too
I think this education system is wrong.
Because if I don't learning private education, I can't maintain grade(score).
In addition, students do not focus on school classes.
Because they are busy the academy homework.
So, I want to change this system problems.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What would you like to change about the education system of your country?


In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter they are interested or not in studying.
>> In Korea, all students have to study to take the Korea SAT, no matter if they are interested or not in studying.
And they study hard to go better university.
>> And they study hard to go to a better university.
But, I think the biggest problem is private education and public education.
>> CORRECT!
Private education is a class in private academy except for schools.
>> CORRECT!
Schools teachers don't teach students the basics.
>> School teachers don't teach students the basics.
So, most pupils have to per-learning through private education.
>> So, most pupils have to undergo pre-learning through private education.
I have experienced it, too.
>> CORRECT!
I think this education system is wrong.
>> CORRECT!
Because if I don't learning private education, I can't maintain grade(score).
>> If I don't learn under private education, I can't maintain good grades (score).
In addition, students do not focus on school classes.
>> CORRECT!
Because they are busy the academy homework.
>> It's because they are busy with their academy homework.
So, I want to change this system problems.
>> So, I want to change this system's problem.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128532 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-30 1
128531 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-30 1465
128530 5/30 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-30 1116
128529 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-30 1250
128528 What is the coldest month in your country? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-30 1016
128527 Homework ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-30 1119
128526 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1136
128525 homework 05.29 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1253
128524 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1347
128523 Myhomework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1433
128522 My favorite mobile game ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1058
128521 Summer is fast approaching. What are your plans for the summer... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1458
128520 What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in... ¹®*¿í ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1831
128519 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 0
128518 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 0
128517 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 0
128516 Is there slavery today in your country? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 4
128515 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1
128514 I agree with the exception of some. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1081
128513 Is there a food you will eat? ¹è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-29 1032

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04