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What is the biggest change you\'d like to make to your life?

작성자: 김*경
2023-08-24 1790

회원님의 영작문

I have goals to achieve in my life, and I want to make big changes with these feats.
First, I want to speak English as fluently as native speakers do. I want to kick a day off with CNN or Arirang breaking news and go to my company which teaches English and develops materials that help students study English more easily and intuitively.

Second, I want to run my own business of English education and remodeling buildings. That's because I don't want to live under the protection of the company and retire at around 60 years old, ending up my life with guards of an apartment complex. Rather, I want to make use of my strength to do what I am good at - English, construction - and live my old life excitingly.

All I need to make big changes in my life is a spirit of challenge and an indomitable will to fulfill my goals until they are done. Now I am preparing them with prayers and incessant studying about English and construction. I'd have best obtain a certificate or an advanced license.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Steve,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me through your assignment. It's clear that you have a strong sense of purpose and determination. I want to acknowledge your commitment and remind you that your efforts are truly commendable. Your goals and aspirations reflect your dedication to personal growth and positive change. It's wonderful to see your ambition to enhance your skills and make a meaningful impact. Remember, every step you take towards your goals, no matter how small, brings you closer to achieving them. Your mindset and drive are truly praiseworthy. Keep believing in yourself and your abilities, as they will undoubtedly guide you towards success. Stay focused, keep up the good work, and know that your efforts are making a difference.

~Teacher Cathy


I have goals to achieve in my life, and I want to make big changes with these feats.

>> I have goals to achieve in my life, and I want to make significant changes with these feats.
First, I want to speak English as fluently as native speakers do.

>>CORRECT

OR>> First, I want to speak English like native speakers.

I want to kick a day off with CNN or Arirang breaking news and go to my company which teaches English and develops materials that help students study English more easily and intuitively.
>> I want to start my day by watching CNN or Arirang breaking news and then head to my company, which teaches English and develops materials to assist students in studying English more easily and intuitively.
Second, I want to run my own business of English education and remodeling buildings.

>> Secondly, I want to run my own business in English education and building remodeling.

That's because I don't want to live under the protection of the company and retire at around 60 years old, ending up my life with guards of an apartment complex.

>> That's because I don't want to live under the company's protection, retire at around 60 years old, and conclude my life in the confines of an apartment complex guarded by security personnel.

OR>> It's like this because I don't want to depend on the company's care and retire at about 60 years old, spending my life protected by an apartment complex.

Rather, I want to make use of my strength to do what I am good at - English, construction - and live my old life excitingly.
>>CORRECT

OR>> Instead, I want to leverage my strengths in what I excel at - English and construction - and lead an exciting life in my later years.
All I need to make big changes in my life is a spirit of challenge and an indomitable will to fulfill my goals until they are done.

>>CORRECT

OR>> All I need to bring about significant changes in my life is a spirit of challenge and an indomitable will to achieve my goals until they are accomplished.

Now I am preparing them with prayers and incessant studying about English and construction. I'd have best obtain a certificate or an advanced license.

>> Now I am preparing for them with prayers and continuous studying in English and construction. It would be best to obtain a certificate or an advanced license.
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