¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

To develop my life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-21 1676

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I would like to develop my life to enjoy and get be satisfied. I knew how much important to do self compassion. We have to do it for our self-regard. When we have a strong mind and high self regard we can endure against the stress.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Thomas!

I could not agree more. If you regard yourself highly because you respect the fact that you are wise, compassionate, and worthy of respect,  you can shield yourself from unnecessary and irrelevant distraction or harm. Thus, you have to make yourself full again to be ready to love and be successful generally.

Kindly study my grammar suggestions below. You used very good vocabulary as well as combinations of sentences very well. Excellent job!

See you soon.

-T. Donna~

I would like to develop my life to enjoy and get be satisfied. 
>> I would like to develop my life and enjoy being satisfied.

I knew how much important to do self compassion. 
>> Correct!
Or: 
I know how important it is to do self compassion. 

We have to do it for our self-regard. 
>> Correct!

When we have a strong mind and high self regard we can endure against the stress.
>> Correct!
Or: 
When we have a strong mind and high self-regard we can endure  stress.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
129182 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2505
129181 homework 06.29 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1306
129180 HOMEWORK for 06/29 Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1215
129179 The most boring subject for me ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1758
129178 How many glasses of water do you drink every day? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1218
129177 What are the dangers of drinking instant coffee? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1
129176 admire person ±è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 4
129175 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2954
129174 WRITING TASK: What would the world be like without music? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2
129173 Slim ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1
129172 6/29 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2120
129171 Homework ¼Û*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1369
129170 Is keeping your ex-partner¡¯s contact information and... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 2489
129169 Describe a person you admire. ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1701
129168 What can you say about climate change? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 0
129167 What is the most boring sbject for you? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1449
129166 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1487
129165 What\'s the best way to pass a job interview? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1287
129164 Writing Task 0628 À¯*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 0
129163 If you were to call for a company meeting, how would you do it? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-06-29 1289

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04