¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Benefits of losing weights

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-17 2350

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many benefits of losing weights. First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Thomas!

Weight loss lowers cholesterol and blood sugar levels, blood pressure,  stress on bones and joints, and less work for the heart. It is vital to maintain weight loss to obtain health benefits over a lifetime. 

Thin people are considered more attractive overall. A lot of K-pop idols are thin because that is the beauty standard in Korea. These standards for physical beauty create what our society believes makes a man or a woman desirable, attractive, perfect, and overall beautiful. Which then enforces unhealthy and unrealistic beauty ideals that negatively affect one's self-image and body image because society has attributed beauty to self worth. We cannot deny the facat that biologically, we want our children to inherit good looks. Thus, we have to know our standards for a healthy and beautiful body towards the mind and soul.

Your exposition was very meaningful and critical. Please go over my grammar suggestions. Again, I would like to remind you that the letter of the word after the comma should be in a small letter, except 'I' or an acronym.

Great job!

-T. Donna~

There are many benefits of losing weights. 
>> There are many benefits of losing weight

First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
>> First, it is one of the good ways to achieve good looks and to look good at self- control.

Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
>> Secondly, it is good for health. Nowadays, fat is more dangerous, stochastically than nuclear weapons. // Wow, awesome vocabulary-stochastically!

Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.
>>  Finally, I will be able to feel an achievement and (get confidence/ be confident).
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130114 What do you think is best to mention about your introduction?... ¹Ú*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 2192
130113 Self Introduction ¹Ú*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1524
130112 Should schools offer more art and music program? ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1
130111 How does the pursuit of purpose change over different stages of... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1115
130110 What are the advantages and disadvantages of traveling alone? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 0
130109 Homework JA*UNG CHUNG ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1621
130108 homework essay(2023. 8. 10.) ¼­*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 0
130107 human right ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1465
130106 What i am passionate about È«*±â ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1937
130105 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1312
130104 What harm does pollution do to the environment? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1564
130103 Give them more rewards ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 0
130102 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 2111
130101 How does having a clear purpose influence goal-setting and... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1559
130100 homework ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 1668
130099 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-10 0
130098 homework 08.09 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-09 1165
130097 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-09 1560
130096 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-08-09 2171
130095 What do you do to prepare for the tyhoon? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-09 2243

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04