¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Benefits of losing weights

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-17 1883

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many benefits of losing weights. First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Thomas!

Weight loss lowers cholesterol and blood sugar levels, blood pressure,  stress on bones and joints, and less work for the heart. It is vital to maintain weight loss to obtain health benefits over a lifetime. 

Thin people are considered more attractive overall. A lot of K-pop idols are thin because that is the beauty standard in Korea. These standards for physical beauty create what our society believes makes a man or a woman desirable, attractive, perfect, and overall beautiful. Which then enforces unhealthy and unrealistic beauty ideals that negatively affect one's self-image and body image because society has attributed beauty to self worth. We cannot deny the facat that biologically, we want our children to inherit good looks. Thus, we have to know our standards for a healthy and beautiful body towards the mind and soul.

Your exposition was very meaningful and critical. Please go over my grammar suggestions. Again, I would like to remind you that the letter of the word after the comma should be in a small letter, except 'I' or an acronym.

Great job!

-T. Donna~

There are many benefits of losing weights. 
>> There are many benefits of losing weight

First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
>> First, it is one of the good ways to achieve good looks and to look good at self- control.

Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
>> Secondly, it is good for health. Nowadays, fat is more dangerous, stochastically than nuclear weapons. // Wow, awesome vocabulary-stochastically!

Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.
>>  Finally, I will be able to feel an achievement and (get confidence/ be confident).
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130000 7.21.Fri Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-07 1229
129999 7.20.Thu Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-07 1211
129998 7.19.wed Ȳ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 2009
129997 How do you spice up your weekends? º¹*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 2
129996 Homework ±è* ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 0
129995 Why do you think younger people are more susceptible to call... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 2342
129994 What are some situations that make you feel stressful? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 1427
129993 homework Àå*¼® ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 1773
129992 Homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 1118
129991 Which greeting kind of annoys you? ÀÌ*¾ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 1194
129990 What problems are caused by radioactive pollution? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 2
129989 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 2997
129988 How could public transport in your city be improved? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-06 7
129987 What\'s your opinion about a four-day work week? ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 1114
129986 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 1103
129985 How do you balance the desire to see and experience as much as... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 2088
129984 What\'s your ideal weekend? What\'s the perfect weekend for you? ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 13
129983 Diary ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 0
129982 In your opinion, what is insomnia? Please give its pros (if it... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 1233
129981 Getting enough sleep helps heal your body from any pain or... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-05 1267

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04