¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Benefits of losing weights

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-17 1864

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many benefits of losing weights. First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Thomas!

Weight loss lowers cholesterol and blood sugar levels, blood pressure,  stress on bones and joints, and less work for the heart. It is vital to maintain weight loss to obtain health benefits over a lifetime. 

Thin people are considered more attractive overall. A lot of K-pop idols are thin because that is the beauty standard in Korea. These standards for physical beauty create what our society believes makes a man or a woman desirable, attractive, perfect, and overall beautiful. Which then enforces unhealthy and unrealistic beauty ideals that negatively affect one's self-image and body image because society has attributed beauty to self worth. We cannot deny the facat that biologically, we want our children to inherit good looks. Thus, we have to know our standards for a healthy and beautiful body towards the mind and soul.

Your exposition was very meaningful and critical. Please go over my grammar suggestions. Again, I would like to remind you that the letter of the word after the comma should be in a small letter, except 'I' or an acronym.

Great job!

-T. Donna~

There are many benefits of losing weights. 
>> There are many benefits of losing weight

First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
>> First, it is one of the good ways to achieve good looks and to look good at self- control.

Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
>> Secondly, it is good for health. Nowadays, fat is more dangerous, stochastically than nuclear weapons. // Wow, awesome vocabulary-stochastically!

Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.
>>  Finally, I will be able to feel an achievement and (get confidence/ be confident).
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130170 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 1855
130169 08-13 homework ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 1
130168 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 1059
130167 08-13 homework ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 3
130166 homework Á¶*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 2229
130165 What do you think should people do if there\'s a typhoon coming? °­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 2104
130164 Worst vice ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 2075
130163 Action of no reply ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 2048
130162 My right person ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 1569
130161 Having vices. ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 1240
130160 Does what we see on television and in movies influence people to... ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-13 1005
130159 What do you look for in a good restaurant? ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-12 754
130158 Homework ÀÌ*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-12 1315
130157 What is your best travel tip? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-08-12 856
130156 Do you think there¡¯d be fewer wars if all countries were ruled... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-11 3
130155 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-11 1806
130154 homework 08.11 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-11 1634
130153 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-11 1096
130152 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-11 0
130151 Would you rather go to the beach or the pamping? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-11 1179

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04