¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Benefits of losing weights

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-17 2609

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many benefits of losing weights. First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Thomas!

Weight loss lowers cholesterol and blood sugar levels, blood pressure,  stress on bones and joints, and less work for the heart. It is vital to maintain weight loss to obtain health benefits over a lifetime. 

Thin people are considered more attractive overall. A lot of K-pop idols are thin because that is the beauty standard in Korea. These standards for physical beauty create what our society believes makes a man or a woman desirable, attractive, perfect, and overall beautiful. Which then enforces unhealthy and unrealistic beauty ideals that negatively affect one's self-image and body image because society has attributed beauty to self worth. We cannot deny the facat that biologically, we want our children to inherit good looks. Thus, we have to know our standards for a healthy and beautiful body towards the mind and soul.

Your exposition was very meaningful and critical. Please go over my grammar suggestions. Again, I would like to remind you that the letter of the word after the comma should be in a small letter, except 'I' or an acronym.

Great job!

-T. Donna~

There are many benefits of losing weights. 
>> There are many benefits of losing weight

First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
>> First, it is one of the good ways to achieve good looks and to look good at self- control.

Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
>> Secondly, it is good for health. Nowadays, fat is more dangerous, stochastically than nuclear weapons. // Wow, awesome vocabulary-stochastically!

Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.
>>  Finally, I will be able to feel an achievement and (get confidence/ be confident).
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
133342 What healthy life choices did you make this year? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1235
133341 homework 12.19 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1141
133340 What do you like most about your husband\'s family? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 3
133339 Imagine you\'re a snowman and write about your life. ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 2
133338 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 2
133337 What three things would you change if you were in charge of... ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1769
133336 homework ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1
133335 Influence of diet ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 959
133334 Homerwork ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 958
133333 If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be? ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1
133332 Do you think snow is beautiful? What fun things can you do in... Àü*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 7
133331 HOMEWORK: Please write a short paragraph about \"What will you... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1
133330 Why do some people seem to age faster than others? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 2
133329 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1378
133328 Did you have a hairstyle a long time ago that you think is... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1572
133327 >> What are your thoughts on the slavery of Black people in... ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 2
133326 What is your favorite place in the world and why? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 0
133325 What kind of festival in Korea would you like to go to someday? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 2043
133324 hotel ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1153
133323 What was the worst kind of fake news you ever read? Can you tell... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-12-19 1191

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04