¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Benefits of losing weights

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*ȯ
2023-08-17 2815

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many benefits of losing weights. First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Thomas!

Weight loss lowers cholesterol and blood sugar levels, blood pressure,  stress on bones and joints, and less work for the heart. It is vital to maintain weight loss to obtain health benefits over a lifetime. 

Thin people are considered more attractive overall. A lot of K-pop idols are thin because that is the beauty standard in Korea. These standards for physical beauty create what our society believes makes a man or a woman desirable, attractive, perfect, and overall beautiful. Which then enforces unhealthy and unrealistic beauty ideals that negatively affect one's self-image and body image because society has attributed beauty to self worth. We cannot deny the facat that biologically, we want our children to inherit good looks. Thus, we have to know our standards for a healthy and beautiful body towards the mind and soul.

Your exposition was very meaningful and critical. Please go over my grammar suggestions. Again, I would like to remind you that the letter of the word after the comma should be in a small letter, except 'I' or an acronym.

Great job!

-T. Donna~

There are many benefits of losing weights. 
>> There are many benefits of losing weight

First, It is one of good way to good looking and looks good at self control.
>> First, it is one of the good ways to achieve good looks and to look good at self- control.

Secondly, It is good for health. Nowadays, The fat is more dangerous, stochastically, than nuclear weapons.
>> Secondly, it is good for health. Nowadays, fat is more dangerous, stochastically than nuclear weapons. // Wow, awesome vocabulary-stochastically!

Finally, I will be able to feel an achievements and get a confident.
>>  Finally, I will be able to feel an achievement and (get confidence/ be confident).
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135103 homework ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 1213
135102 The impact of technology ÀÓ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 1371
135101 homework ÀÌ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 1
135100 textbook ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 1220
135099 How do you overcome fear? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 2
135098 What new things did you learn about Seoul? Ȳ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 1288
135097 What is the best thing about your birthplace? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 0
135096 Who presides wedding ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 1828
135095 Do you think health care should be free? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 4
135094 homework 02.28 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 1590
135093 My bravest momnet ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-02-29 1466
135092 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 1147
135091 0228 assignment ÃÖ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 1298
135090 What cat breed would you like to have? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 3
135089 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 0
135088 Homework ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 1282
135087 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 2029
135086 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 0
135085 Homework ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 1504
135084 What is in your bedroom? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-02-28 1840

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04