¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Today\'s homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2023-08-17 1763

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Recent advances in medicine have resulted in an increase in life expectancy over the past four years. Do you think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee~!^^ Thanks again for doing your homework. I see that you are quite improving in class. Enjoy learning the language. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
>>> Human's immune system is healthier compared in the past too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
>>> In addition choosing death by medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
OR >>> In addition, suicide rate by taking medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.
>>> But I think the advantages outweigh the  disadvantages.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126652 English lesson À±*¼º ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 539
126651 Homework 03.17 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 560
126650 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 499
126649 The wired collctions ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 710
126648 Hw ÃÖ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 0
126647 Do you think it is valid for the rental properties in the... ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 761
126646 Do you think white lies are OK? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 0
126645 Sentences ¹é*¾ð ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 3
126644 Hw ÃÖ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 2
126643 homework ½Å*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 0
126642 What did you do last weekend? What will you do this weekend?... õ*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 5
126641 What is your favorite hobby? Why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 0
126640 What springs to mind when you hear the word \'perfect\'? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 724
126639 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 4
126638 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 0
126637 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 532
126636 What is your favorite food? Do you like eating foreign food? Why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 1
126635 What do you think are the dangers that hanging/posting too many... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 618
126634 Why is going to the military considered a state duty? Should... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 584
126633 Answer : What kind of people do you like to meet? Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-17 526

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04