¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Today\'s homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2023-08-17 1614

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Recent advances in medicine have resulted in an increase in life expectancy over the past four years. Do you think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee~!^^ Thanks again for doing your homework. I see that you are quite improving in class. Enjoy learning the language. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
>>> Human's immune system is healthier compared in the past too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
>>> In addition choosing death by medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
OR >>> In addition, suicide rate by taking medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.
>>> But I think the advantages outweigh the  disadvantages.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
128346 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 2
128345 homework 05.19 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1131
128344 People on a diet! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1074
128343 What¡¯s your opinion of yourself ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1083
128342 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 0
128341 Will flying cars mean the end of airplanes? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 4
128340 The activity I do with my friends. ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 867
128339 What food don\'t you like and why? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1072
128338 What is the best city to live in Korea? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1434
128337 Write about your perfect day. ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 0
128336 I like spend time at home. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 933
128335 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1
128334 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1459
128333 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1
128332 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1116
128331 tia ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1229
128330 My teaching style ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1330
128329 Answer : Choose one member from your family and describe him/her... Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 957
128328 Gossips, Rumors. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 990
128327 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-19 1171

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04