¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Today\'s homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2023-08-17 1890

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Recent advances in medicine have resulted in an increase in life expectancy over the past four years. Do you think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee~!^^ Thanks again for doing your homework. I see that you are quite improving in class. Enjoy learning the language. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
>>> Human's immune system is healthier compared in the past too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
>>> In addition choosing death by medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
OR >>> In addition, suicide rate by taking medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.
>>> But I think the advantages outweigh the  disadvantages.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
135895 WRITING TASK: How do you easily relieve stress? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135894 Who is a poor person who became rich and famous in your country... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135893 What drink do you often have but best avoided? ±Ç*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135892 When a child claims about behavioral disease, should he/she be... ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 3
135891 Is it better to be ¡°rich and famous¡± or to be ¡°rich and... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1
135890 what are public toilets like in your country ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2305
135889 How do you usually plan your trips? Are you more of a... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1566
135888 What activities do you and your mom enjoy doing together? ¿À*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135887 Advising in English ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1799
135886 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1474
135885 What¡¯s in your hand? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1515
135884 What¡¯s the best piece of advice you can give someone who is... ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 0
135883 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135882 House ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 2
135881 Homework Á¤*¼· ¿Ï·á 2024-03-27 1172
135880 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 1845
135879 homework À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 1680
135878 Homework ¸Í*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 1731
135877 homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 1355
135876 What do you usually do with your friends? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-03-26 1122

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04