¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Today\'s homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2023-08-17 1936

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Recent advances in medicine have resulted in an increase in life expectancy over the past four years. Do you think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee~!^^ Thanks again for doing your homework. I see that you are quite improving in class. Enjoy learning the language. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
>>> Human's immune system is healthier compared in the past too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
>>> In addition choosing death by medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
OR >>> In addition, suicide rate by taking medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.
>>> But I think the advantages outweigh the  disadvantages.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136716 The risks of not taking risks ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-25 1622
136715 The life of government official is diffrent from what I expected! ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2024-04-25 1055
136714 Describe a language you have learned ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2024-04-25 1
136713 Homework ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-25 0
136712 What advice can you give a friend who is suffering from chronic... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-25 1594
136711 Think about vegetarianism and why you think it is not applicable... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-25 1369
136710 What country influences Korean cuisine? ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1482
136709 Homework Àå*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1516
136708 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1
136707 Which ad is the most memorable to you? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1
136706 homework 04.24 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1595
136705 How good are you at playing sports? ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1159
136704 What\'s your greatest strength? ÃÖ*¼º ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1097
136703 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1
136702 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1464
136701 Practicing English ÀÌ*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1410
136700 When should we decline an invitation? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 2008
136699 What do I hope to achieve the most in the future? ±è* ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 0
136698 Homework ±è*Á¦ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1119
136697 Do you think you have a healthy eating habit? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-24 1063

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04