¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Today\'s homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2023-08-17 2133

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Recent advances in medicine have resulted in an increase in life expectancy over the past four years. Do you think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee~!^^ Thanks again for doing your homework. I see that you are quite improving in class. Enjoy learning the language. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Exactly yes. advances of medicine have taken many good things.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
For example medical revolution is able to postpone deadline and they enjoy their life.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Human's immune system is more healthier than before years too.
>>> Human's immune system is healthier compared in the past too.
Of course there are disadvantages such as increasing drugs, abusing, murder and addiction.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
In addition choosing death by medicine is become a big problem in recently society.
>>> In addition choosing death by medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
OR >>> In addition, suicide rate by taking medicine is becoming a big problem in society recently.
But i think that these are bigger advantages than disadvantages.
>>> But I think the advantages outweigh the  disadvantages.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
139944 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1552
139943 homework ¾È*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1
139942 Is it okay not to be honest? µµ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1580
139941 How important are weekends in maintaining a healthy work-life... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1404
139940 If you could create a new holiday, what would it celebrate and... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1488
139939 How old were you when you first tried alcohol? Who were you with? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1729
139938 What was the last piece of bad news you heard? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 2
139937 Homework 0919 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 1467
139936 How do you motivate yourself to work every day? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-19 3
139935 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-18 0
139934 Would you always care to fulfill the requests of your family and... ±è*¸° ¿Ï·á 2024-09-18 1247
139933 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-18 1
139932 Front-row seat ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-18 1
139931 Homework : What is a chore that you really dislike doing? Why... ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2024-09-18 17
139930 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-09-18 2
139929 Do you help your parents do some household chors? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-09-18 1636
139928 alchol party ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-18 1360
139927 What do you do to relax after a busy day? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2024-09-18 0
139926 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-17 0
139925 How do you usually celebrate Chuseok? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-09-17 1623

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04