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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What other investments are popular for people your age in South Korea?

작성자: 이*주
2023-08-11 2539

회원님의 영작문

Nowadays, people in my age are likely to save money with installment savings or deposit.
The Bank's interest rate is not higher than stock investment, but it is a safe asset if the bank is not bankruptcy.
Before COVID-19, not only my government but also other countries banks issuing money to help people who cannot earn money during a pandemic.
As a result, the value of cash goes down as known as inflation.

I'm not familiar with the economy, but I know about fears who have stocks when it comes to inflation.
The stock has volatility as much as its profits.
In my case, as I told you I bought an India company's stock because India's average age is under 30s that are shown to have great potential for economic growth in my opinion.
But the company is getting delisted.
During inflation, many stock investors sustained a huge loss.
That is the reason why people prefer to save money rather than invest.

Anyway, I wish my other stocks will advance enough to make me financial freedom.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good afternoon, Hyeon Ju!

Saving is putting your money into a safe and low-risk account, such as a savings account, money market account, or a certificate of deposit. Savings products generally offer low returns but they also come with low risk. They are a good option if you need to access your money in the near future and can't afford to lose any of it.

Investing differs from saving in that the money used is put to work, meaning that there is some implicit risk that the related projects may fail, resulting in a loss of money. Investing is to grow one's money over time. It is an excellent way to build your wealth and plan for your financial goals, particularly if you start at your young age. It's the primary method for saving for retirement, and it can help you reach many other financial milestones along the way.

One way of not losing stocks is diversifying your investment in the hope that you can gain good returns. Hence, in your next investments, try to split your money into different companies. This way, there may be smaller returns but more assured profit. I'm sure you will learn the ropes when you are brave enough to trade in stocks once again.

You has a high frequency of correct sentences, excellent job! My suggestions cover simple prepositions, diction (correct choice of words), as well as the proper word form. Study them  carefully below.

Thank you for your smart work for this homework task!

See you next week!

-T. Donna~

Nowadays, people in my age are likely to save money with installment savings or deposit.
>> Correct!

The Bank's interest rate is not higher than stock investment, but it is a safe asset if the bank is not bankruptcy.
>> The Bank's interest rate is not higher than stock investment, but it is a safe asset if the bank is not into bankruptcy.

Before COVID-19, not only my government but also other countries banks issuing money to help people who cannot earn money during a pandemic.
>> Before COVID-19, not only my government but also other countries banks issued money to help people who cannot earn money during the pandemic.

As a result, the value of cash goes down as known as inflation.
>> Correct!
Or: As a result, the value of cash goes down known as inflation.

I'm not familiar with the economy, but I know about fears who have stocks when it comes to inflation.
>> I'm not familiar with the economy, but I know about fears of those who have stocks when it comes to inflation.

The stock has volatility as much as its profits.
>> Correct!

In my case, as I told you I bought an India company's stock because India's average age is under 30s that are shown to have great potential for economic growth in my opinion.
>> In my case, as I told you I bought an Indian company's stock because India's average age is under 30s that are shown to have great potential for economic growth in my opinion. Very good sentence!

But the company is getting delisted.
>> Correct!

During inflation, many stock investors sustained a huge loss.
>> Correct!

That is the reason why people prefer to save money rather than invest.
>> Correct!

Anyway, I wish my other stocks will advance enough to make me financial freedom.
>> Anyway, I wish my other stocks will advance enough to give me financial freedom.
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수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

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02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

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