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영작교정 게시판

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What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in your country?

작성자: 반*
2023-08-08 1515

회원님의 영작문

Times are changing rapidly, and so are people’s thoughts.
The biggest change is the separation of families.
When I was young, I could often see families living with grandparents.
Now that I am an adult, there are many nuclear families, even single-person households.
There was naturally a generation separation as some of the families moved to the city to get a better job and live around the workplace.
And among the nuclear families who moved to the city, children who were old enough to became independent moved to near the company or for their own free space, increase single-person households.
With the recent increase in the number of single-person households, people’s thoughts have also changed individually and seem to have become psychologically unstable.
It is good to have more diversity than a uniform world, but it also seem to be true that the distance between people’s minds has become distant.
I hope we still recognize that It will be a better world when we live with people.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Philip.

Times are changing rapidly, and so are people’s thoughts.
>>>  correct  
The biggest change is the separation of families.
>>>   correct   
When I was young, I could often see families living with grandparents.
>>>  correct    
Now that I am an adult, there are many nuclear families, even single-person households.
>>>   correct   
There was naturally a generation separation as some of the families moved to the city to get a better job and live around the workplace.
>>> correct
>>> OR: There has been natural occurrences of generation separation as some of the families moved to the city to get a better job and live near the workplace.   
And among the nuclear families who moved to the city, children who were old enough to became independent moved to near the company or for their own free space, increase single-person households.
>>>  And among the nuclear families who moved to the city, children who were old enough to became independent moved near their company or for their own free space, which has increased single-person households.  
With the recent increase in the number of single-person households, people’s thoughts have also changed individually and seem to have become psychologically unstable.
>>>  correct  
It is good to have more diversity than a uniform world, but it also seem to be true that the distance between people’s minds has become distant.
>>> OR: It is good to have more diversity than a uniform world, but it also seem to be true that the distance between people’s minds has become worse.
I hope we still recognize that It will be a better world when we live with people.
>>> correct   
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