¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 08.07

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-08-07 2398

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Does beauty affect our success in life?

In my opinion, there are many people who value the appearance of face in Korea.
Even if my various abilities are good, but I often gossip behind my back about my face is ugly.
In fact, gossiping people appearance are also not great looking.
And they are just jealous.
Even saw the beauty affect in the company interview.
The important point is that this is not good behavior.
Because of these behavior, many people received stressed since childhood.
As a result, these people became adult, most of them have low confidence about their face.
So many people are consider about cosmetic Surgery.
Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people appearance.
I think, this bad behavior must be disappear.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Does beauty affect our success in life?


In my opinion, there are many people who value the appearance of face in Korea.
>> CORRECT!
Even if my various abilities are good, but I often gossip behind my back about my face is ugly.
>> Even if my various abilities are good, but I often hear people gossiping behind my back about my face is ugly.
In fact, gossiping people appearance are also not great looking.
>> In fact, gossiping about people's appearance is also not great-looking.
And they are just jealous.
>> CORRECT!
Even saw the beauty affect in the company interview.
>> I even saw that beauty affects your company interview.
The important point is that this is not good behavior.
>>  The important point is that this is not a good behavior.
Because of these behavior, many people received stressed since childhood.
>> Because of these behavior, many people received stress since childhood.
As a result, these people became adult, most of them have low confidence about their face.
>> As a result, as these people became adults, most of them have low confidence about their face.
So many people are consider about cosmetic Surgery.
>> So many people consider doing cosmetic surgery.
Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people appearance.
>> Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people's appearance.
I think, this bad behavior must be disappear.
>> I think, this bad behavior must disappear.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126967 A story that i missed the deadline. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 1167
126966 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 0
126965 When do you say that a person is overexercising? ±è*½½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 756
126964 Is it better to be physically attractive or intelligent? Why? Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 1284
126963 What numbers are considered to be lucky and unlucky in your... Àå*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 688
126962 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 1
126961 Homework Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 1015
126960 At the convenience store ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 0
126959 3.28 homework ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 909
126958 In what ways do you spend your time with your family? ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 2
126957 ¤Ó\' Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 720
126956 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 1
126955 talk about the food/snack you last ate. ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 920
126954 How can we avoid fraudsters? Share your answer in a few... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 4
126953 A handful of rest ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 1111
126952 In summer! ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 974
126951 homework ½Å*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-28 1143
126950 03-27 homework ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-27 6
126949 I think how can I help to my society À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-27 804
126948 Homework ¼Û*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-27 806

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04