¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 08.07

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-08-07 1878

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Does beauty affect our success in life?

In my opinion, there are many people who value the appearance of face in Korea.
Even if my various abilities are good, but I often gossip behind my back about my face is ugly.
In fact, gossiping people appearance are also not great looking.
And they are just jealous.
Even saw the beauty affect in the company interview.
The important point is that this is not good behavior.
Because of these behavior, many people received stressed since childhood.
As a result, these people became adult, most of them have low confidence about their face.
So many people are consider about cosmetic Surgery.
Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people appearance.
I think, this bad behavior must be disappear.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Does beauty affect our success in life?


In my opinion, there are many people who value the appearance of face in Korea.
>> CORRECT!
Even if my various abilities are good, but I often gossip behind my back about my face is ugly.
>> Even if my various abilities are good, but I often hear people gossiping behind my back about my face is ugly.
In fact, gossiping people appearance are also not great looking.
>> In fact, gossiping about people's appearance is also not great-looking.
And they are just jealous.
>> CORRECT!
Even saw the beauty affect in the company interview.
>> I even saw that beauty affects your company interview.
The important point is that this is not good behavior.
>>  The important point is that this is not a good behavior.
Because of these behavior, many people received stressed since childhood.
>> Because of these behavior, many people received stress since childhood.
As a result, these people became adult, most of them have low confidence about their face.
>> As a result, as these people became adults, most of them have low confidence about their face.
So many people are consider about cosmetic Surgery.
>> So many people consider doing cosmetic surgery.
Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people appearance.
>> Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people's appearance.
I think, this bad behavior must be disappear.
>> I think, this bad behavior must disappear.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
130203 How did you hear about this position? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-08-15 1359
130202 Is overpopulation a problem in your town or country? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-15 1643
130201 How can social norms and cultural influences impact behavior? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-15 1236
130200 Do you have a favorite song that you love to perform? What is... ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-15 0
130199 WRITING TASK: How can helping others benefit someone? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-15 2
130198 What is the main things of behavior ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-15 0
130197 Being a role model ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-15 0
130196 How does behavior change across different life stages, from... Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-15 1321
130195 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 1385
130194 What\'s your thought on cliques in schools? Would you want to... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 2
130193 homework 08.14 ÃÖ*Ç ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 1916
130192 What and who are your major influences for having your recent... Á¶*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 2267
130191 Would you rather have a dog or cat? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 824
130190 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 1534
130189 Today\'s homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 1862
130188 My own way to relieve stress ¼º*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 1356
130187 Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 1435
130186 What other pharmaceutical companies do you know that have very... ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 880
130185 Was your area affected by the typhoon? How severe was the... º¹*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 2
130184 Make questions from each of these keywords: hesitate, invite,... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-08-14 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04