¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 08.07

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-08-07 2162

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Does beauty affect our success in life?

In my opinion, there are many people who value the appearance of face in Korea.
Even if my various abilities are good, but I often gossip behind my back about my face is ugly.
In fact, gossiping people appearance are also not great looking.
And they are just jealous.
Even saw the beauty affect in the company interview.
The important point is that this is not good behavior.
Because of these behavior, many people received stressed since childhood.
As a result, these people became adult, most of them have low confidence about their face.
So many people are consider about cosmetic Surgery.
Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people appearance.
I think, this bad behavior must be disappear.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Does beauty affect our success in life?


In my opinion, there are many people who value the appearance of face in Korea.
>> CORRECT!
Even if my various abilities are good, but I often gossip behind my back about my face is ugly.
>> Even if my various abilities are good, but I often hear people gossiping behind my back about my face is ugly.
In fact, gossiping people appearance are also not great looking.
>> In fact, gossiping about people's appearance is also not great-looking.
And they are just jealous.
>> CORRECT!
Even saw the beauty affect in the company interview.
>> I even saw that beauty affects your company interview.
The important point is that this is not good behavior.
>>  The important point is that this is not a good behavior.
Because of these behavior, many people received stressed since childhood.
>> Because of these behavior, many people received stress since childhood.
As a result, these people became adult, most of them have low confidence about their face.
>> As a result, as these people became adults, most of them have low confidence about their face.
So many people are consider about cosmetic Surgery.
>> So many people consider doing cosmetic surgery.
Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people appearance.
>> Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people's appearance.
I think, this bad behavior must be disappear.
>> I think, this bad behavior must disappear.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
132686 Are risk-takers more successful in life? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2893
132685 homework Á¤*¾È ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 0
132684 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 0
132683 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 0
132682 How much do you trust the doctors these days? and why? How can... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2595
132681 f you were invited to a fancy dinner with the president or a... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2
132680 What is the best medicine for you? is it effective? How can you... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2027
132679 Homework ¾È*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1497
132678 english interview ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 6
132677 What kind of world do you think would be this if people never... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1512
132676 WRITING TASK: What kinds of problems can people face that might... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 6
132675 . ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 9
132674 . ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 4
132673 new agency... ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2012
132672 Homework ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1804
132671 What was the movie you saw that had a great impact on your life? ±Ç*Áö ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2676
132670 complaints Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1875
132669 Outsourcing, complaint Á¤*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 1120
132668 motivation of running continuously ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 2064
132667 Should companies be required to hire a diverse staff? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-11-23 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04