¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework 08.07

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Ç
2023-08-07 2849

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Does beauty affect our success in life?

In my opinion, there are many people who value the appearance of face in Korea.
Even if my various abilities are good, but I often gossip behind my back about my face is ugly.
In fact, gossiping people appearance are also not great looking.
And they are just jealous.
Even saw the beauty affect in the company interview.
The important point is that this is not good behavior.
Because of these behavior, many people received stressed since childhood.
As a result, these people became adult, most of them have low confidence about their face.
So many people are consider about cosmetic Surgery.
Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people appearance.
I think, this bad behavior must be disappear.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good day, Keon!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
Does beauty affect our success in life?


In my opinion, there are many people who value the appearance of face in Korea.
>> CORRECT!
Even if my various abilities are good, but I often gossip behind my back about my face is ugly.
>> Even if my various abilities are good, but I often hear people gossiping behind my back about my face is ugly.
In fact, gossiping people appearance are also not great looking.
>> In fact, gossiping about people's appearance is also not great-looking.
And they are just jealous.
>> CORRECT!
Even saw the beauty affect in the company interview.
>> I even saw that beauty affects your company interview.
The important point is that this is not good behavior.
>>  The important point is that this is not a good behavior.
Because of these behavior, many people received stressed since childhood.
>> Because of these behavior, many people received stress since childhood.
As a result, these people became adult, most of them have low confidence about their face.
>> As a result, as these people became adults, most of them have low confidence about their face.
So many people are consider about cosmetic Surgery.
>> So many people consider doing cosmetic surgery.
Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people appearance.
>> Fortunately, these days, there are not many people evaluating other people's appearance.
I think, this bad behavior must be disappear.
>> I think, this bad behavior must disappear.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122306 What was one idea you learned from the drama Narco Saints? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2
122305 9/13 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1695
122304 what do you think of a career in the army? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1608
122303 Book ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1171
122302 9/13 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1596
122301 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1500
122300 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1368
122299 What do you want to do next year? Why? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 4
122298 What do you like most about celebrating Cheusok? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1735
122297 What are the good and bad things about traveling? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1421
122296 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2
122295 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1311
122294 How to stop fake news. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1669
122293 What are you looking forward to most this coming holiday? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1720
122292 Social media is very easy to be addicted ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 0
122291 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1268
122290 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2603
122289 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2588
122288 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2
122287 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04