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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

In your opinion, what is insomnia? Please give its pros (if it has) and cons.

작성자: 김*경
2023-08-05 2158

회원님의 영작문

Insomnia is a sleep disorder where people have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep as long as desired. Insomnia can last a few days or months depending its seriousness. If you are in insomnia, you need to treat it as soon as possible because insomnia is usually followed by daytime sleepiness, low energy and often a drepssed mind. Statistically, old men are more susceptible to insomnia than young men and females are more vulnerable than male. So It takes old men and women more care to prevent insomnia than young people and males respectively.

If you have someone with early stage symptoms of insomnia or in insomnia around you, you need to be careful because insomnia is reported to be affected by genetics to some extent. If you're already in insomnia, doctors advise not to rely on sleeping pills for long-term use for no reason. They suggest that it is very important to identify and treat medical conditions contributing to insomnia, such as depression and breathing problems.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Great job, Steve! Thank you for doing your homework religiously. Continue to practice and if you have some questions, feel free to ask me. Thank you and see you in class! ~ T.Gelly


Insomnia is a sleep disorder where people have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep as long as desired. 
>> Insomnia is a sleep disorder where people have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep as long as desired. 
Insomnia can last a few days or months depending its seriousness. 
>> Correct!
OR
>> It can last for a few days or even months depending on how serious it is.
If you are in insomnia, you need to treat it as soon as possible because insomnia is usually followed by daytime sleepiness, low energy and often a drepssed mind. 
>> If you have insomnia, you need to treat it as soon as possible because it is usually followed by daytime drowsiness, weary and often mind depression.
Statistically, old men are more susceptible to insomnia than young men and females are more vulnerable than male. 
>> Statistically, old men are more susceptible to insomnia than young men and females are more vulnerable than males.
So It takes old men and women more care to prevent insomnia than young people and males respectively.
>> So it takes older men and women more attention to prevent insomnia than young people and males.
If you have someone with early stage symptoms of insomnia or in insomnia around you, you need to be careful because insomnia is reported to be affected by genetics to some extent. 
>> Suppose you know someone with early-stage symptoms of insomnia or insomnia around you. In that case, you need to be careful because insomnia is reported to be affected by genetics to some extent.
If you're already in insomnia, doctors advise not to rely on sleeping pills for long-term use for no reason. 
>> If you're already in insomnia, doctors advise you not to rely on sleeping pills for long-term use for no reason. 
They suggest that it is very important to identify and treat medical conditions contributing to insomnia, such as depression and breathing problems.
>> They will suggest that it is vital to identify and treat medical conditions contributing to insomnia, such as depression and breathing problems.
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