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What kind of self-defense do you know?

작성자: 이*주
2023-08-04 1495

회원님의 영작문

There are several things for self-defense like boxing, martial arts and firearms etc.
But in Korea, the government doesn't allow to have a firearm for citizens.
So we have to train our body to protect ourselves.

I can read various articles and watch the news that telling about crime.
We live in a pretty dangerous world these days.
Therefore, when we go out, we can unintentionally face bad incidents.
And the law is too permissive that nothing happens but a slap on the wrist.
For that reason, I'd like to say that we must have to learning how to protect our body.

Actually, "Growing your muscle mass" is easy to say. I know it's really hard.
I started a boxing 2 months ago, but I don't feel like my stamina is getting better.
But, I'll get over it!

p.s.
While writing, I think I got sidetracked:)
Because the topic was "What kinds of self-defense do you know?", but I was focusing on "Importantance of self-defense".
Have a nice weekend!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good evening, Hyeon Ju!

First of all, congratulations for making it here on this page today! I am not surprised that your sentences are mostly correct. It is clear to see your knack in the English language by the clarity and impeccable organization of your answer.

You have not sidetracked from the main point of the question, rather, expounded on the point why self-defense is a crucial matter especially for young women like you. Some people say that the world is becoming a better place  to live in, but we are exposed to an increasing number of dangerous situations. This is why self-defense lets us take charge and defuse, de-escalate, or defend ourselves and those around us. It also builds our confidence on ourselves.

If your strength lies in boxing, taekwondo, or other combative sports, never shy away in using any of these skills when necessary.

Please go over my grammar suggestions below. There are very few and you can easily memorize the patterns. Excellent piece of writing!

See you again soon!

-T. Donna~

There are several things for self-defense like boxing, martial arts and firearms etc.
>> Correct!
Or: There are several things for self-defense like boxing, martial arts, firearms, etc.

But in Korea, the government doesn't allow to have a firearm for citizens.
>> Correct!

So we have to train our body to protect ourselves.
>> Correct!

I can read various articles and watch the news that telling about crime.
>> I can read various articles and watch the news (that tell/ telling) about crime.

We live in a pretty dangerous world these days.
>> Correct!

Therefore, when we go out, we can unintentionally face bad incidents.
>> Correct!

And the law is too permissive that nothing happens but a slap on the wrist.
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

For that reason, I'd like to say that we must have to learning how to protect our body.
>> For that reason, I'd like to say that we must have to learn how to protect our body.

Actually, "Growing your muscle mass" is easy to say. I know it's really hard.
>> Correct!
Or: "growing your muscle mass"

I started a boxing 2 months ago, but I don't feel like my stamina is getting better.
>>  I started boxing two months ago, but I don't feel like my stamina is getting better.

But, I'll get over it!
>> Correct!

p.s.
While writing, I think I got sidetracked:)
>> Correct!

Because the topic was "What kinds of self-defense do you know?", but I was focusing on "Importantance of self-defense".
>> Correct!
Or: Importance

Have a nice weekend!
>> Correct!
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